My Forgotten Birthday :)

Well,, I must admit that I don't celebrate Birthdays...

But just some minutes ago I suddenly wanted to look at my facebook profile. I scrolled down and down until I reach a page which contains birthday wishes for me.

My birthday is on 17th of December and it was long ago. But I just had a chance to read them all today,that is 4 months after my birthday! You know why? The day I turned into 16, I got my report book. And it was disappointing. I cried all day, I didn't even think about my birthday in short, I was too busy crying. yep, who knows that your birthday could turn out into your worst day ever?

Anyway, now I have read them all. I haven't even said "thank you" hahha (besides, I don't celebrate birthday). I laughed and I really touched that my friends, my old friends, they remembered and sent me birthday wishes! I thought I was no one, someone unimportant. But then I saw many of my friends -whom I didn't even get along each other- congratulated me.. I'm touched :")


Thanks everyone.. Barakallahufik...

Scores Degradation

I studied all night long but why didn't I get good scores? hiks hiks
I think I could do all the exercises that my teacher gave me, but in the end, my test score still bad.
I paid all my attentions to the teacher in the class, I did all the homeworks, I studied till late night, but those things didn't seem to help me answering the questions. And the result was just bad as usual.

I'm sadddd... I had tried so hard, the other student didn't even do all the homeworks, they didn't even pay attention to the teachers, but they could get good scores. Does it have something to do with my brain? or Are they just too genius? AAaaa I can't get it.

But one thing I always believe, Allah is fair.

I Realized ...

Hey readerrrss
long time no post, sorry for the long absence.
This time's topic is "I realized...."
yeah, many things happened in the last 1 month.
All in a month, 3 of my friends died.. :( and all of them died because of sick. Tragically, 2 of them had cancer and tumour. Now I begin to realize "more" that I also could die unpredictably.

I realized that life is sooo short and it is not eternal. Somehow, there will be an 'afterlife' world, something in Islam we call "akhirat", which is eternal. A place where you can feel the worst Pain ever or the best Pleasure ever. It's depend on what you do when you live.

Ironically, looking back to what I've been doing for 15 years.. I don't think I've been a good girl. I want to change, but why is it so difficult? I can't watch over my mouth. Sometimes I hurt people with it or with my attitude.

After I look at this blog, I also realized that this blog is mostly garbage -___-. I'm sorry.... I really wanna be useful. And why am I being so gushy lately?? It's embarrassing, indeed.

well, I hope this post could inspire you, :")

January, 3rd 2011

Hey readers, today I'm going back to school.

I nearly late again this morning -as I always do..-
we had a flag ceremony and this time it went well -unlike It usually does..-

Even though it's the first day of school, we had a full-day lessons. yup, that's my school. If it's not like that,well... that's not my school.
But to my surprise, I am interested in studying all the lessons. Especially when I saw my chemistry book that we are actually going to learn about "buffer" and "acid-base". It's kinda have a tight relationship with biology. Beside, class seemed to me more "friendly".

I hope this is a good start. I always hope for the best. :)

Fettucini Carbonara

Hey readeeerrss... I'm soo happy that I finally can make delicious fettucini carbonara with my sister :). So, I searched the recipe on the internet but different sources tell different ways and that really confused me. At first, we made a bowl of carbonara sauce and it tasted good but we had 90 minutes to get it right.

But today, we only needed 25 minutes and everything went well. so here's what I did.

1. I didn't use garlic. My first trial went bad because of it. I only used 1 but the smell and taste was very strong till it's nothing but garlic. I don't recommend using garlic, but it's up to you.

2. Fry the smoked beef until it's brownish. Then, put the milk into it. well, I can't give you the exact dose, I hope you can estimate it by yourself.

3. Let the beef does its work. Your sauce will smell like the real carbonara now.

4. When it is boiling, put flour (careful here, don't use too much flour. Mine was only 1 tablespoon).

5. Put a half teaspoon of maizena, then stir it gently.

6. Put salt or margarine to make it more salty

7. Done...!!


Well, that's it. If there's a mistake, well.. I just wanna share. I'm just an amateur chef. I hope it's useful.. Don't be afraid to try.. :)

A few things about me that no one ever discovers

I'm trying to be a good girl
My goal is to live in heaven
I write my diary everyday or at least frequently
I like cooking
I want to be a professional doctor so bad
I want to be a neurophysiologist
I want to be a surgeon
I want to be a good wife
I love green
I always want to go to England
I'm keen on biology
I love sports
I like to jog
I can't resist not to swim when I see a swimming pool
I love beaches and seas
I love to play with water and get wet
I am an ambitious girl
I care about people I love
I love kids and children
I want to be a good mother
I want to have cute, adorable and good children someday
I talk too much
I talk to myself
I hate to be disappointed and betrayed
I am bold
I get too silly and careless sometimes
I am a very shy girl especially on love
I cannot look into the eyes of someone I love
I avoid meeting someone I love because I always afraid that I don't look good
I want everything to go smoothly
I want to try everything
I want to invent something
I hate crowd
I prefer being alone
I often think about what's going to happen
I have a complicated mind

Happy Holiday...!!!

hey readers.. happy holiday!
starting this week, I am officially on holiday. I love holiday but sometimes I just don't know how to spend my time without spending lots of money. And I really like to train my skills. Generally, I want to make this holiday useful. I don't want to sit all day in front of my tv, watching some unqualified programs. Perhaps I'll have to read books and books ~that's what I'm trying to do~ or learn something like cooking.

Those two things are definitely what I'm gonna dwell with. If I could, I want to read human anatomy book. But If I get too lazy or too tired to study, I might end up reading novels instead.

I've started cooking dinner or lunch. At the beginning, my Mom told me the recipe. but last night, I cooked with my own instinct. and my "udang goreng mentega" was simply tasty. :)

I don't mean to brag or boast myself. I just want to motivate you to have a useful holiday. think about something useful...!!

Happy Holidaaayy...!!!

Last Week

Hi readers, how are you?
It's kind of sad to realize that this week is my last week for this semester. Before all of the students go on holiday and even before me, myself, dwell with my holiday, I really want to enjoy every minutes I have at school. Suddenly school becomes friendly. Maybe because I don't have to sit all day and listen to the teachers. Perhaps because lately I went to school, met my friends and had fun without a single glimpse of studying. But to be honest, I love school. Because at school, I learn lots of things. like people's behavior, their attitudes, their thoughts, and so on.

Have I told you that I love to go anywhere by myself alone? I enjoy my journey home alone everyday. You know why? well, lately I've been using train as my major transportation, because it's fast. Although train is commonly used by lower-middle community and it's often fully-loaded or even over-loaded with passengers, I really love it. when I wait for the train at the train station, I see people around me. people who, in reality, live near me. people who I always forget when I live my life... when I eat in an exclusive restaurants, watch a movie in the cinema, or spend my money carelessly...! someday, I saw an old woman. Her dress was dirty, her face was sweaty and her hair was tangled. She had tanned skin, looked like she had walked around under the sunstroke. she carried a huge sack of i-don't-have-any-idea-what's-in-there. But it was so bulging. she passed over me and there was a surge of compassion inside my heart. If I were her.. well i don't know what I'm going to do. She probably had children to feed. Not only food, but education. Sometimes that makes me be grateful of what I have and not to waste every chance that probably suck for me but not everyone has that chance. for example, study at the best high school. I know, studying at sman 8 is absolutely tiring. but not everyone has a chance to go to this school and I will be very ungrateful if I'm just playing around. There are lots of things that I take as benefit of going somewhere alone by public transportations. The point is it opens my eyes to a real reality of life. Reality of living in Indonesia, the so-called rich of resources country.

I hope for prosperity. I pity them who don't have as good destiny as I have. Perhaps someday there'll be leaders who understand and care. and that leaders should be from my generation. that's why I really hope, my friends, let's not waste our time. let's be serious. it's not hard to try. we can try it together and by that, we can make it lots easier. please.. consider what our country will be if the next leaders have the same mind as them who rules this country today. don't be so egoistic. we have to change!

Holiday's coming

yeayyy finally holiday's coming!
I can't wait to do lots of things. Gosh, I should make a list.

What should I do first??
Learn to cook, learn to drive, go to the cinema, watch some movies, swim, ice skating, hang out with my friends, go to doofuun amusing park!! fheww.. lots of things I wanna do.

Is it december already?? wow.. time passes so fast. seems like 2 or several months ago my family and I just had a vacation in lombok, but in fact... It was last year.

Entering December

Heyyy, readers!! long time no post... And sorry for the long absence. Don't have time,as usual. kekeke

So, here are some updates:

1. Final-test week!! started this monday and will be ended next monday. And today's Friday, which means I've got 1 day to go. (too much word "day" blah)

2. My scores... hmm.. aren't too bad (at least for myself). Alhamdulillah. But still not as "shiny" as they were last year T_____T.

3. Last week. Perhaps the hardest week of this year. I've gotta catch all the midterm-tests make up all in 3 days. And two of my teachers scolded me because they think I've been stalling the time blablablaa... But the climax was on Thursday last week, when I couldn't hold my tears any longer -____-. But well... it has passed, why do I have to think about it anyway..??

4. I NEED A LONG VACATION. Just realized that this year I'm sooo busy that I haven't rested since...January, I guess. Yep. On January 2010 school started, and then came that "kader" time. OSN followed after and school again till August und dann Pelatnas. Then I had to catch up every lessons at school again.. And now.. I still have to study for this final test.

5. I do hope ~I really hope~ that all my effort is worthwhile. I have some targets, you know. That is, to at least persist on the top 3 of all classes. It's my goal. But I know it won't be easy and so I have to try. Especially on maths next monday cause I've already ruined my chem! ohhhh I wish I didn't really did that bad on chem.. :( But I hope the result will be surprisingly different. aamiin..

that's all for now,
Gotta go hit the shower... Byeee ^^

ssssssssssssss

I'd better succumb than hurting my dearest friends. I know I've been so selfish, forgive me. I just need some times and I promise everything will be back to normal...

Tormented

I don't know who I can talk to. This feeling, I really want to let it go. But I can't. I really want to talk to someone about it. But I'm just too shy to confess. Every time someone asks me, I always say that I'm okay. But they just don't understand.

Maybe I have to keep it. Maybe it's hard to keep it alone. But I'm a strong girl. I have to deal with every situation. If no one understands then it means I don't need them. Just wish me happy! :")

Gloomy October

Since the first time I heard "pelatnas" I've always been scared of it. Afraid that I might fail it. In fact, it really happened. I failed on this one. Sorry I didn't post much when I was there. I barely had time to tell my story. Everyday was so gloomy. you know, my friend said once that being there is like riding on a roller coaster. Sometimes It takes you high, another time it takes you down. But most of the time, I'm so afraid that I might be shameful.

This week I've come back to school. Well, I really really miss my school and my friends. But when it came to Wednesday, suddenly school turned into a hurricane for me. It's hard to accept that I don't get the position I want. Well perhaps I'm not qualified enough. and people might think I really shouldn't deal with things like that, It's so not me. Maybe they think I should just concentrate on lectures or so. Well I don't like people to think like that. They judge me, without really seeing inside me. They don't really know what I actually felt when I was there in Bandung, feeling gloomy everyday, counting the days remained before I could go home. do you think I like being a competitor all the time? Do you think I'm a nerd like all my life I dedicate for biology? hell no! I was perhaps once. When I really gave up my school for this. But can't you see the changes? People change and so do I. But they didn't see it and judged me straightly. I really want to hear their thoughts and I want them to hear mine.
Sorry for my boldness. I just don't know who I can talk to. It's too embarassing to confess to other people. But I just can't keep it shut. Because you know, I didn't pass pelatnas. And it really hurts my heart. Not that I hate to lose. It's okay. I don't want being there for another 2 months. It's what I'm going to do in the next years that I'm mourning on.

And the announcement was given on Friday, so not at the right time. Now I feel like cursing everyone there. Why does everyone think that I will certainly pass? HEY I TOLD YOU I WOULD NOT. WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE?

It's just hurt. It's hurt when everyone thinks I always be happy. like I don't have to do the midterm, my scores are good or something. no, I get that with tears you know? And you just easily said that I'm the luckiest girl in the world. perhaps you think I always get what I want. In fact, I only get what I really struggled for!

I might be hated after anyone reads this. I don't actually care. at least for now. all I want to do is healing the wound. And now I don't get anything. I fail on pelatnas, I fail on my scores at school, I fail with my friends.

Perhaps YOU think that I could catch on and it's so easy for me to do. But please at least for this time, try to feel what I feel.

Day 2

finally I've made it to the second day. Although it hasn't been a full-second-day yet. Tonight we're having tutorial class.
Time passed very slowly this day. I just hope i'll get use to it and just go through the next days as usual, as if I'm home.
Home... The most comfortable place. Perhaps my house isnt as big or beautiful as yours. But the people there at home that make me comfortable. And Allah of course..
I've gotta go... Gd bye..

Day 1

dear readers.
Today, i went to Bandung and arrived here at 9.
We didn't do anything until our stomach were growling and we went to a mall.
We decided to visit pasar seni itb. And the road was so crowded. It took us more than 1 hour to reach jalan ganeca from wisma kartini. We walked half of our way there.
Itb was soo unhelpfully full of people. We didn't stay there so long. At 4 we went back to wisma kartini.
Suprisingly, we had sort of "welcoming test". And I was so sleepy when I did it. But somehow i don't feel so nervous.. May it last longer. Aamiin..

Btw, I'm pitying myself that I have a kind of roommates I dont really like. They talk too much. And noisy. And they dont care about other people. I just hope they realize their bad attitudes.

TeSIS

haloo readers... cuma mau ngasih tau, insya allah minggu depan SMAN 8 Jakarta 2012 bakal ngadain TeSIS. Daaann.. temen kelompok gw adalaaahh :


1 22493 ARYO WINDARU L XI-IPA-C 11
2 22477 RAFI GHITHA ATSMARA L XI-IPA-C
3 22603 RIFQI RIZQULLAH L XI-IPA-C
4 22283 SHOFFAN REYHAN L XI-IPA-C
5 22280 RATIH SISWANINA PUTRI P XI-IPA-C
6 22558 SARAH SHAFA MARWADHANI P XI-IPA-C
7 23083 VALERIE HIRSY PUTRI P XI-IPA-C
8 22288 ZAHRA NABILA P XI-IPA-C
9 22304 GHINA RIZQI FITRIA P XI-IPA-C
10 22556 RUBY AURORA PRIMAPUSPITA P XI-IPA-C

nah, sayangnya gw gak bisa ikut tesis :(
karna tanggal 10-30 oktober ada pelatnas di bandung. hiks...
Emang harus ada yang dikorbankan ya, betul gak?
semoga pengorbanan ini gak sia-sia. Aamiin...

o iya, H-2 pelatnas. Galau tak tertolong.
Semoga pelatnasnya berjalan baik-baik saja. aamiiin

when all feelings are collided

I'm gonna be a vice leader somehow,
but I'm gonna leave it for a while,
All the things I have to catch on,
old memories bursting out of my mind,
the uneasy feelings fill me,
the tears I've been holding back,
All of these things remind me that I'm still alive. this is life and so I have to go through it.

dear Mr. X, what's your intention? Is it true what you've been saying about? Are you just trying to make some sensations?
dear Mr. X, thanks for your support. but i don't think I deserve you. perhaps not yet.
dear Mr. X, whatever you want to do, please don't disappoint me.

3 Syawal 1431 H

First of all, I'd like to say "Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum". Happy Ied 1431. May Allah accept all of our efforts last Ramadhan.

Readers, something's bothering me. It's an uncomfortable feeling. Actually I've been thinking about it night and day, trying to overcome this problem. Looking for an exit door out of this awful thing. I tried to help myself by watching some movies. Burying myself with fun, hoping that these actions will shoe my uneasy feelings away. But this night, after watching a movie (a comedy one), I'm sitting here in my living room with everyone has fallen asleep. I feel lonely, my mind can't stop thinking about my problem.

I love watching movies. It entertains me. But this is it. This is the habit that I should actually get rid of. I've been wasting my time around with something unuseful. This is why I always have uneasy feeling. Because I don't manage my time properly so that I can finish all my jobs. Then the "guilty" feeling arises which makes me uncomfortable.

I have come to one conclusion which is always try to do something useful. People around me, whom I really envy, all of them create something amazing, something worthwhile. Meanwhile, I just sit all day in front of this old PC, watching some movies, surfing the internet, etc etc. Quite ashamed of myself, actually.

I hope I can change. yeah, I really have to change. Before this habit ruin my life.

Ramadhan

happy fasting, everyone! May this ramadhan be better than before and may us be a better person. Yep, today's the 2nd day of ramadhan, the last day-off. Tomorrow back to school, study, get bored, and miss my dki friends.. Huhu miss them so much. Miss my old temporary routine, that is, studying biology all day..

By the way, Alhamdulillah.. I got bronze medal for last osn in medan. I thought i wouldn't get any. But Allah still gave me a chance for it.


Anyway, that's all for now..

Hi readers, this is me from Medan.

I wanna told you about the tests. In general, both tests -the experiment and theory- were difficult. They made me want to cry. felt like I did the tests very badly. I was panic and nervous till I couldn't even think about something that was very OBVIOUS! In the last minutes, seemed like all the hopes and passions were running out of me. And I didn't think about the questions anymore blablabla..

This noon, they gonna announce the winners. I just pray and hope that I can be one of them. Tomorrow i'm going home to Jakarta. And i hope I can bring home a medal. Aamiin