Getting A Grip

Hello, guys! I finally have a chance to write again.

It's been 3 months since I moved to this beautiful paradise and I'm finally getting a grip of myself. As I mentioned before, it's a rather slow city. I thought I'd bore myself to death. Truth is, as I stepped out of my comfort zone, I began to perceive this situation differently.

Batam is a city of newcomers with a rate of 70%. In fact, as I am writing this blog thread in a decent local coffee shop, a lady sitting next to me is talking about her struggle adapting to the new environment with her friend. Apparently, she just moved from Singapore just like me! Sorry, I don't mean to eavesdrop, I guess I just have bionic ears :D So, to stitch it all together, I'm not the only one who suffers culture shock on this island!

I am a kind of kinetic person, so my boredom remedy has to be something physical. guess what? I tried an exciting sport, wall climbing!!! I first tried climbing when I was in Singapore (in October). I wish I had tried it as early as I arrived in Singapore so I'd have had much time experimenting. When I moved to Batam, I was low-spirited cause I couldn't find any climbing gyms like the ones in Singapore. However, Indonesia does have a federation for climbers. It is called the Federasi Panjat Tebing Indonesia/ Indonesia Wall Climbing Federation (FPTI). I followed their instagram account. And to my surprise, they do have FPTI branch Batam. I was enthusiastic cause I knew if they have FPTI branch, they must have some climbing venue to train. And I was right.

I contacted the secretary of FPTI Batam which I found on their web. She was actually astounded as to how could I find her number. She thought I was an athlete or something hahaha.. you bet.
So, I came to this neighborhood climbing venue. It is located in Kampung Air, Batam Center. It was built by a former athlete who now works in Batam. Those who live around the climbing wall are also climbers. I was amazed by how their world revolve around this wall. It's not a grand wall, not an indoor one but it's not bad to keep us practicing. However, if we ever want to succeed in a competition, we certainly need more than this.


This is how Venue Panjat Tebing Kampung Air looks like :

I was very happy to see it and to be welcomed by FPTI Batam. They provided everything I needed, shoes, chalk (though I do not use it cause I was still suck at climbing :p).

A couple of weeks later, my husband gave me a treat of 1 bouldering session in Singapore! I was ecstatic. We went bouldering with his office climbing club at Boulder+. Here's how it looks like:

As I knew I wouldn't get much bouldering opportunity, I tried my best to finish every route possible without a break! I worn myself out. Until I fell an unexpected fall and tear my right knee meniscus :"). I only knew 1 week later when all the pain on my body had subsided except for one on my right knee. Fortunately, my joint is stable which means the tear may not be substantial. I put on knee support most of the time as soon as I realized my meniscus was torn. After 1 week, it has progressed fast. Until my husband and I decided to go to Jakarta to visit my family. I knew I wouldn't get much climbing opportunity in a decent gym like those in Jakarta and Singapore, so I invited my nephews and niece over for a climb in Bremgra. I restricted myself only for rope climbing, as I wanted to avoid putting pressure on my right knees. I also wore my knee support to prevent second injury.

However, meniscus is very prone to injury and it takes weeks to fully recovered. Most of the time, it doesn't heal as new but our body just adapt to the injury and get used to the pain. Several days after the last climb, I had a bad knee again. This time I want to be patient. I want to wait and restrict physical activity for at least 4 weeks. I'm gonna focus on building up my hamstring and quadriceps muscles as well as my upper body muscles to get myself stronger for climbing.

Apart from climbing, I signed up for an IELTS preparatory class just so my brain won't freeze. The class is twice a week, Tuesday and Thursday from 6pm - 9pm. So far, I really enjoy the class since I've always enjoyed learning languages. Besides, I need an IELTS score to apply for a postgraduate program. Meanwhile, I have also sent my job application to local hospitals. I'm waiting to be contacted for an interview. Please wish me the best!

The fear of being left behind

Hi readers.. it's been years since I posted an article on my blog

Many things have changed during the last 3 years:
1. I have finished my medical study (so now I'm a licensed doctor..!! isn't that scary? :o)
2. I am married to a man of my dream (still have no kid, though)
3. I have moved from my lovely, jammed-everyday city --Jakarta-- to a nice, small island called Batam (google it! it's located just beside Singapore)

In a flash, it seems like I'm following "the ideal pathway" of an Asian girl : be a doctor, married at 25, live in a paradise island. But no..

I'm still thankful to God for giving me the best life I could ever wanted. But, adult-ing is surely not that easy.

The thing is.. I have not applied for any job currently. Why?! --> It's been 5 months since the last time I practiced my medical skill because I had to live in Singapore for a while, but I cannot practice there due to the regulation and stuff. You know, medicine -just like any other knowledge, follows the rule of "use it or lose it". I'm kinda like, losing my confidence a little bit and I just want to refresh my skill and knowledge before I get in gear again. But it turns out, I'm kinda stuck in my comfort zone (somebody please pull me up from this black hole :( )

But you know, living in a small island like Batam.. there aren't many thing you can do. Well actually there are.. but, not as much as I have back in Jakarta. It's where my alma mater is, I have a lot of network to create any project. But here, I'm starting over from scratch and the idea just scares me.
Believe me, I tried to make friends.. But the fear crept in again.

This is when I realize the importance of self control and determination. Where does all of my motivation go? Did I leave it in Jakarta? Did it fade away in Singapore?

It seems like I'm using so much excuses which I swore I'd never make. I did try to apply scholarships but got turned down several times, I did try to submit my work in a competition but still no luck. I think I'm kinda exhausted from all the rejections that I received and I slowly became 'numb' to my ambitious dreams and goals, stucked in my comfort zone where I will never have to taste failure. Meanwhile, I saw my friends' progressing with their lives; having a job, hanging out with a few best friends, raising up adorable children, participating in prestigious conferences, pursuing a master degree in a reputable university, etc (thanks for dragging me here, inst*gr*m)

I'm lying if I say I do not envy them. But it's not their achievements that I envy of. It's the energy and determination to keep doing the things they love. Meanwhile, look at me.. I'm a useless scholar that can't even reproduce. It's only the beginning of 2020 but I'm already feeling desperate.

I know that sooner or later I'm going to catch up again, but baby steps this time. It's just not me to live in a self-disdain like this forever. But I'm documenting this feeling cause I know at some point in our lives, bad things happen and it's okay. It's just life. Yea, I'm feeling crappy today but not for the rest of my life.