Pertama Kali

Amarah bergelora, memecut setiap relung jiwa yang hampa

Hampa....ya, Sabtu itu..

Terpanaku melihatmu, melihat rangkaian kata penghancur segala

Teganya kau biarkan harapanku mengular, remukkan tubuhku

Percik air menghapus noda, pelipur lara

Satu cara hanyutkan semua angan kencana

Disaat kelam langit tak bernada

Kautersenyum tanpa dosa

Kau!! Teganya..

Liriklah sebuah bayangan pada cermin kaca!

Mengapa ia selalu terkurung dalam keadaan yang sama?

Hancurkan benteng kesombonganmu!

Percayailah aku!

Karena aku

sudah dewasa....

Another October

Readers.. It's been a year since I posted "Gloomy October". Recall that it was the most tiring and disappointing month in 2010. I was psychologically tormented due to degradation of my scores, school life, and many factors I can't mention. But gratefully, those things challenged me to revolve from my former state. Avoila! this is me, the stronger me than I used to be (People might see different but at least this is what I think about myself).

It hit me when I realize I've been taking hold of this organization for almost 1 year. 1 year seems short. Like, in a blink, suddenly it's passed. The more you enjoy it, the faster it'll fade.

Suddenly I remember all the time I spent together with sp46.. :")

I can't say we never argued and always lived peacefully together.

But I assure you those are memories made.

Guys, we've done our job. Though every project might not be perfect, still, we made an astonishing progress.

Now our time is over. Don't you realize?

I'll miss every jartel I got for the past 1 year.

We have to say goodbye to our current positions and hand it off to the next "on-duty" members. Regeneration of the old regime and displacing it with a new one, is the heart of an organization right? That's what we want to develop our beloved SP, right?

Every start has an end. Now, let's welcome our demise.

Let's Finish What Once We Started

our meeting in kaderisasi

diklat

preparing for our "makur"

my design for secretary's book's front page

SP going to XXI

have a chat at Pizza Hut

our "makur" invitation - first page

Makur invitation - second page

Makur invitation - third page

Those are photos taken from my phone. Only a little piece of the total. We love to take pictures.

I think, there are two things that can unite all of 46 members.. And they are : Rhesa and camera :)

Sorry for being melancholic.

Bertahan

Bertahan. Satu kata yang gampang diucapin*, tapi dilakuinnya susah setengah mati. (*kecuali buat mereka yang cadel -.-)

***

Suatu saat kau memulai sebuah perjalanan. Dengan tekad yang bulat, kau putuskan arah dan tujuanmu. Kau mulai melewati setapak demi setapak jalan yang telah kau pilih. Seberapa pun banyaknya halangan yang merintang, kau tak peduli. Tenagamu masih poll. Pandanganmu visioner, penuh mimpi.

***

Setengah perjalanan telah kau lalui. Beratus-ratus bukit telah kaudaki seolah menantang gravitasi bumi. Namun, sebanyak itu juga rasa sakit yang kau rasakan akibat terpeleset ke dalam jurang. Kini kau menimbang-nimbang realita penderitaan. Kau mulai berpikir, mungkin kau salah arah. Sejenak kau beristirahat, merenung. Terlintas kembali di otakmu, tujuan ketika kau masih bersiap di belakang garis start. Dan cahaya itu pun bersinar. Terang sekali.. hingga kau yakin, kau masih berada di jalur yang tepat.

***

Kau mengikuti cahaya itu. Menyusuri jalan yang tak berujung. Penuh pengharapan. "kapankah ini akan berakhir?" pikirmu. Cahaya itu melemah, seiring melapuknya tubuhmu dimakan usia. Pandanganmu mulai kabur. Kau tak lagi melihat cahaya yang dahulu menyempitkan pupilmu. Kau buta arah! Lalu kau bertanya kepada batu, pohon, awan, dan bintang manakah arah yang benar. Mereka semua melakukan hal yang sama. Bisu.

***

Hampir habis sabarmu. Untungnya, masih ada yang iba terhadapmu. Angin. Ia membelai rambutmu dengan lembut. Menyentuh pipimu yang tirus. sungguh anggun. Seolah berbisik, "aku tau" di telingamu. Lalu angin membawamu terbang. Semakin tinggi dan terus meninggi. Kini kau berbangga dan yakin bisa menggenggam dunia di tanganmu. Kau merasa sombong. Merasa layak dihormati. Hingga angin pun kesal. Dengan serta merta, ia menghempaskan kau ke dalam liuk pekat tornado. Seketika kau menatap kematian..

***

Readers, entah kenapa gw selalu paling gak bisa bikin ending yang bagus. padahal ending adalah bagian paling krusial ya? hiks.. trus sebenernya yang mau gue tumpahkan pada analogi ini bukan kayak di atas.. tapi lebih ke perjuangan lw ngelakuin semua tantangan demi mencapai mimpi lo. tapi...kayaknya... alam bawah sadar selalu mengarahkan gw untuk bikin cerita yang setipe. yaudah deh yaaa gw mau ngerjain thinkquest doloo.. blognya entar-entaran aja deh.. eh iya kalo ada yang mau ngelanjutin endingnya juga boleh. monggo...

In The Middle Of The Night

Readers..

It's 01.51 in the morning right now and I actually don't know what to write..

I'm not in the mood to complain about sucking things neither about love nor sort of "galau" things. No.

I fell asleep in the early night again...today... and I don't have any idea why I fall asleep so much lately. Perhaps I'm just too tired? Or because I barely do some exercise these days? who knows :p.

***

The point is, now I'm back alive and just don't know what to do in the middle of this night. No one in the house is still awake except for, perhaps.... my brother. I saw him still dwelling with his laptop when I just woke up 1 hour ago. I'm following my twitter time line, but it's just so empty. Like no one else there in any place outside the world is still awake #lebay. It's just too quiet here..making it kinda odd. Usually at this time, people still chattering around, right? (of course no. am i crazy) And I feel like... *sigh* galau-ing.. NOOOOOOO.......!! I've promised myself to have a better and brighter mind, seriously TT___TT

***

Let's talk about another topics. So, just some minutes ago, I scrolled down on my facebook home and I found a page about a japanese girl which was tortured to death for 44 days. Her name was Furuta Junko. Although I might have heard a little about her from my friends, I still shocked and ---I don't know kind of feeling it's called. Fear? or Anguish? what ever it is--- when I read the article. I read every line carefully and became afraid as I read more and more tortures that the three men ---I don't think they deserve to be called men, cause I don't even think they're human!! they're monsters--- did to her. It's just too sad for a girl like her, probably at my age when the tragedy happened. I can't imagine being in her position. Facing the three monsters in agony. No.. NOO...!! I hope I'll never get a part of scary life like that. I always pray to Allah to keep me away from unfortunate things :"" and Allah is the greatest protector, right?

If you care and interested in the story of furuta junko, you might want to read this :

http://netdetective.forumotion.net/t937-junko-furuta-story-wajib-baca-yang-bagi-yang-blom-tau

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Junko_Furuta

***

So.. here it goes.. As the time keeps pacing, never slows down.. I'm here facing my monitor. I don't know what to do and I feel empty as a part of my mind keep thinking about the tortured girl. I'm scared...... I really do..... and moreover, even worse.... I'm hungry =.= I haven't eaten dinner because I was fast asleep so early...

That's for now, I really should go to the kitchen and have some food. *krooyoookk krooyoook kroooyookk* Look, my stomach is shouting for food -.- bye

Suatu Pagi di Lantai 3, Pentogan

Udah jadi persepsi banyak orang bahwa hari Senin adalah hari yang puaalinggg menyebalkan #lebay. Banyak alasan sih yang bikin Senin jadi si doi yang kalo bisa gak usah dateng aja. pertama, mungkin karena 2 hari sebelum Senin adalah hari libur (sabtu dan minggu). Biasanya kalo abis libur, orang pada males sekolah apalagi kerja. hahaha maaf gue soktau padahal lulus sma aja belom. kedua, ada yang bilang bahwa sebenernya bukan hari Senin-nya yang bikin bete, tapi 5 hari berikutnya. yayaya.. you know, monday means starting a new week and a new week can be full of laughs or tears.

Dan ternyata hari Senin gue ini adalah bad day. Entah kenapa.. mungkin karena nilai kimia, dimana nilai bab terakhir cuma diambil dari 4 soal terakhir midtest. Jadi kalo salah 1 aja udah dapet 75 -....-. Gak berarti gue gak menyukuri. Gue bersyukur banget alhamdulillah.... But, this awkward feeling can't be destroyed and vanish easily, right?

So, I tried to calm myself down by sitting on a porch, right outside my classroom. I sat there for about 15 minutes. I looked down and found some students having P.E. class on the field. The sun didn't shine too bright and the wind gently stroke my cheek. That really worked! I calmed down.. and by the same time, I created this (in Bahasa Indonesia) :

Kain Sunyi

Di pinggir tebing kuberdiri

Memandangi dasar dengan ngeri

Sesekali bibir ini tersungging

Mencerna kata yang menyelinap,merasuki diri

Apa yang ia katakan?

Pikiranku jauh melayang

Dibawa angin terbang ke khayangan

Ia tergantung indah, hanya sebagai pajangan

Waktu, mengapa ia selalu kusesali?

Padahal kutahu ia tak bisa kembali

Apakah hidupku akan terus seperti ini?

Takdirkah yang telah menyurati?

Aku tak mau pusing mencari tahu

Aku hanya ingin terus berpacu

Menyaingi kecepatan sang waktu

Meski kutahu, ia akan menang, selalu...

Seiring berjalannya waktu, kerumunan itu pun pergi

meninggalkanku berlari sendiri

Peluh bercucuran membasahi dahi

bermandikan mentari yang setia menemani

Hanya satu yang kupinta

Dan yang selalu kuingin

Ia berada jauh di angkasa

16 tahun membeku dalam dingin

Lalu dia datang.. hidupnya terlalu datar dan sepi

Namun pikirannya, sepotong pun aku tak mengerti!

Gayanya yang seolah tak peduli

Membuatku ingin mengusirnya pergi

Seperti air yang selalu mengalir

Atau langit dengan awan yang terukir

Mungkin aku memang tak pantas untuk hal ini

Tapi dia.. dia yang selalu kucaci, membara seperti api!

Hidup memang tampak memihak sebelah

Terkadang membawamu setinggi gunung, lalu melemparmu ke lembah

Namun aku yakin dengan seluruh tumpah darah

Semuanya ada yang mengatur dan Dia tak pernah salah

Tapi, apakah hanya ini yang dapat kulakukan?

Memandangi tanah yang menyilaukan

Disaat mereka menari berduaan,

Aku tak berkutik dalam kesepian

Akankah kubiarkan ia melewatiku?

Seolah tubuh ini terikat benalu

Kencang pada sebuah tiang tak berbatu

Namun apa yang kulakukan? hanya diam menunggu

Akankah kubiarkan mimpi ini pergi?

Dan menyisakan raga yang tak berarti?

Tidak! Akan kubawa kembali emas ke genggaman pertiwi

Untuk sehelai kain yang melambai sunyi

:)

first in a life time

Dear readers, it is a good news.

This is the first time my room looks clean and ... spacious.

Don't get me wrong, I love cleaning. It's the woman part of me and I'm good at it. But, this time is different. I used to be very reluctant in throwing away my worn out stuffs. I wanted to keep every single things that would remind me of my past. Yeah, I was that kind of girl.

It seemed like yesterday my brain was... in a meticulous state...and I needed a comfortable room.

It only took 2 hours to clean up all the mess.

These are photos of my room after being cleaned up.

My Last Midterm Test in High School

First of all, I'd like to thank God, Alhamdulillah, that the mid semester test has finally ended. :) At first, I didn't consider it as a serious matter until P.E. theory aroused me from my unawareness.

why was I so unaware? Because you know, several days before it began, I just had a chance to take a deep breath after organizing the biggest event this year, 8schoolastic. But it was very close before midterm. And my mind was shouting for more and more breaks until the day finally came.

and why PE? When I was in grade XI, my former PE teacher never even dare to bother us with his test. It turned out, as I jumped into a higher grade, with my new PE teacher who wants to draw some attentions, the questions given are far more difficult. And the result is.. more than 90% students didn't pass the test.

well, that's a preface..

Finally I realized it was a mid term test. And I started to study. Each day I had maximum 2 subjects. Therefore, I always got home earlier and took the train. At home, I studied materials (mostly papers, problem sets or notes) for the next day, although I couldn't manage to learn them all because the lack of time. That's all I could get after studying until dawn. (whahaha I'm exaggerating). Actually, mostly until midnight. But when the subjects are very difficult, I set an alarm again before dawn (shubuh). I can't imagine If I didn't stay up late that days, I would have missed too many papers and books to read.

Everyday I put all the previous materials aside and brought new copies of materials for the next day. It's always been repeated during the midterm UNTIL..... (right now).....It creates a huge pile of papers and books, barely arranged. no no no, messily piled on the floor and on my desk.

Now, I feel like relaxing. I don't care what my room looks like right now. Probably like a crashed plane. I just want to have some rest after this long long long and exhausting marathon.

The Moon and The Star

I used to stare at the sky, but I had never been amazed by the moon or the stars. Why? They're two things that commonly used in a poem or poetry or worse, love letter. I like to read poems, but not err... too "galau" ones. When moon and stars are mentioned at the very beginning, I assure you that the whole story is telling "love" matter.

But this post is not.

The moon and the star, an analogy.

Dear stars...

My night probably won't be as beautiful as it is now, without you

No, I was wrong

It's not only me..but the whole citizens of this crazy city

We are tired by the day

And every night you come

to comfort us and make us stay

Stay.. in this crazy little life

Dear moon...

Why are you so graceful?

Making me so eager to steal your light

keeping it for myself, alone

Your light, they're not actually "yours"

But when you use it, you shine very bright

even brighter than the star.

The moon and the star..

they complement to each other

like bread and jam

like tea and sugar

like purines pairing with pyrimidines

I'd like to stare at them

Watching my dearest moon caring for the star

for the star is so careless

I hope you both will always be together

You're one of the reasons I laugh in life

Seeing you split up makes my heart torn apart

Dear moon, please continue taking care of the star :)

that's it, readers. It's not a poem. It's an...errr.. what ever it is.

anyway, I was inspired by my friends. And they're really..... like what I wrote above.

It's so funny and touching to see them :")

Once again I tell you, it's definitely not romance

Bizarre Love Chain

Love is a mysterious part
how does a feeling start emerging in my heart?

Perhaps it transmits a signal from vision
The more I see you, the more I feel the invasion
You seize my mind without permission
You hypnotize me like magician

Love is a curse
Once you're twisted with it, you're locked
Love is a maze
Once you get inside it, you're lost



But this thing happen
The bizarre love chain
When I finally think you're the right man
Your feelings toward me end

I love you
But you love her
she loves him
But he loves me

This is the bizarre love chain...


*ini boong-boongan loh!! gw cuma lagi ngarang-ngarang doang wkwkwk*

She

She's ordinary.

The first time we went to high school, no one knew her.

No one thinks about her for she has nothing special.

She's not popular or famous.

She's very quiet, she hates the crowds.

She has her own world.

She talks to herself, some people just call her "delusional"

She keeps her problems to herself and covers it with a flawless smile.

But sometimes, she can't bear it anymore

And tears will flow down her eyes

everyone asks "What makes you crying?"

She mourns herself for being that pathetic.

If I were her, I would feel very ashamed.

She has her principles.

Whenever she lies, she'd feel uneasy.

She always wants to help someone regardless who the person is.

this is the only part of her that I'm fond of.

She has rules and very strict to it.

Everybody avoids her so they won't be scolded.

Including me.

who on earth wants to get yelled at, anyway?

And in the end, she will feel lonely, again..

She makes mistakes.

She makes too many mistakes, a million sheets won't be sufficient to write them all.

She gets out of control, it's just slipped right out of her hand

Only regrets still remain.

She acts like a boss and she is the worst actress ever.

She often makes a very bad decision which leads to anger and dissatisfaction.

She is her with all the good and bad things.

She is her with all her courage and braveness

She is the girl I see in the mirror.