Self-Confidence Crisis?

Have you ever looked into the mirror and disgrace your own reflection?
Have you ever stared blankly at something while your mind is swept away by your shameful memories?

I do.
And I do that a lot.

I'm a slow learner and I don't have that sharp mind.
I can't really focus on something or concentrate for a long time.
I hate playing a mind-twisting game in which players are showing off their intelligence.
I'm not wise and I hardly give advise to anyone because I know that I'm the one who need the advise more than anyone else.
I can't make good speeches which can burn the audience's passion like every choleric person does.
If I try to make one, I end up being lost in my own maze of sentences.

So who am I?

I'm an impulsive, spontaneous, and simple-minded girl
And I hate wasting my time debating over something important, and obviously also, unimportant matters.
I tell people explicitly and directly what I want to say

Just like a grenade, if you pull the pin, I'll explode.
So easily predictable, I might say.

If it's not because of God's mercy, I'll never have come this far.

And..why am I telling you these?
Maybe because I have to stop being so pathetic.

NTMS

It's hard to find someone who accept you for who you are
Who will wait for you when your pace is slow
Or keep calling you when you're not responding
Some people will immediately desert you
When you -deliberately or not- shut them out
Even people whom you think will never betray you
Because running away is always the easiest way
And you start wondering who's to blame
Certainly it's not all your fault
You're cheering yourself up
But deep down you know you never really try
to open your mind and start learning a new perspective of life
A life seen from different pair of eyes
A circumstance perceived from different hearts
You'll find out that it is you who never accept people for who they are
But you never want to change
You are still too demanding, too controlling, too free to let go
You force people to follow your rhythm
Because you like it that way, don't you?
O my, tell me what I have to do with you