Bodoh dan Gila, itu Beda Tipis

Satu, dua detik, hingga si pendek pun lelah berputar 3 kali
Hawa dingin mulai terasa di ujung-ujung tangan dan kaki
Bagaimana tidak? Tak ada panas yang dihasilkan dari berdiam diri duduk di sini, sendiri.
Teman menungguku hanya patung itu,
yang sama-sama menunggu untuk dibebaskan.

Orang-orang berlalu-lalang, sibuk dengan urusan pribadinya;
ada yang sibuk dengan hari besar mereka,
ada yang sibuk menata masa depannya,
ada yang berjuang menggapai mimpinya.

Semua kecuali aku.
Akulah yang tak jelas arah dan tujuannya.

Wahai jiwa, apa yang kau inginkan?

Mengapa begitu rela berkorban?

Rela melakukan hal-hal gila dengan kesudianmu sendiri

Rela memberikan waktumu untuk dihabiskan

Rela memberikan gelasmu untuk dipecahkan

Semuanya itu kau gadaikan

Hanya untuk gemerlap sesaat yang tidak sebanding dengan kasih dan sayang

Kau tahu tak ada tempat bagimu di sini
tapi tetap kau paksakan

Seperti tak punya harga diri, memalukan!
Berkacalah, wahai jiwa...

Memanganya kau ini siapa?

Punya apa?

Otakmu di mana?

Kalau terus begini, wajarlah kau selalu tertipu

Karena kau terlalu dermawan memberikan kepercayaanmu
Padahal hukum rimba tak pernah memenangkan orang-orang yang menunggu

Dan tingginya harapanmu

Melampaui realita yang dapat diukur dengan logika
Mana mungkin dia mau melakukan hal gila se-gila yang kaulakukan?
Mana mungkin dia memberikan lebih dari yang kauberikan?

Mungkin kau telah gila

Kau ini gila karena berpikir semua rencana detilmu itu mungkin terjadi

Tapi beginilah adanya,

Berkali-kali ditipu oleh angan-angan sendiri

Tapi tenanglah..
Kali ini takkan kubiarkan dirimu kau cederai

Akan kutunjukkan betapa lelahnya mengarungi dunia mimpi

Kau akan terbangun dan segera sadar

Bahwa penantian ini sia-sia

Jadi lebih baik, kau pulanglah saja

Kita punya banyak hal untuk dilakukan

Banyak hal yang lebih berharga untuk diharapkan

Tapi kau harus mengatur fokusmu
Meskipun harus berjalan menjauh kemudian berlari

tergopoh-gopoh jatuh kemudian bangkit lagi

Karena kalian memiliki dunia sendiri-sendiri

Tenanglah, kamu begini bukan karena dia

Tapi karena kamu terlalu pandai berimajinasi

Dan menganggap duniamu sebagai taman mimpi

Tidak, bukan begini caranya

Bagaimana bisa didengar jika tak bersuara?

Ah lupakanlah, sayang

Kali ini aku yang salah

Dan setiap yang bersalah harus membayar hukumannya

Terlalu Berharga Untuk Dilupakan

Singkat cerita, setelah melalui hari yang panjang dengan segala drama kehidupan yang ada di dalamnya, seorang kawan menasihati. Suaranya lembut tapi begitu menegarkan -- yang justru bikin air mata ini makin deras ngocor-nya --   She said,


"Sar, kamu sadar nggak? Kita ini selalu diuji di tempat terlemah kita. Sampe kita nggak lemah lagi di tempat itu, sampe kita bisa lulus, Allah bakal ngasih cobaan yang sama ke kita. Tenang aja, semua pasti ada hikmahnya, Sar. Mungkin Allah lagi menguatkan kamu di sini.
Kamu harus bersyukur, Sar, masih dikasih kecemasan. Artinya, kamu punya kemauan untuk memperbaiki kesalahan. Ada yang dapet lebih parah dari kamu tapi cuek-cuek aja.
Apa yang udah kejadian itu bukan urusan kita lagi. Porsi kita emang berusaha dan berdoa. Nggak lebih dari situ. Kalau gagal ya coba lagi dan coba lagi karena emang cuma itu yang bisa kita lakuin."


Ya emang sih, 'melepaskan sesuatu' selalu jadi bagian yang tersulit untuk gw lakuin. Tapi Allah baik, selalu ngasih kesempatan "remed" ke gw, selalu ngasih kesempatan kedua :""D
Masih banyak nikmat lain yang harus disyukuri, Sar.
Salah satunya, nikmat punya teman-teman yang selalu mengingatkan.

Emang deh mbak yang satu ini calon psikiater banget... (amiin)

From Your Little Girl (4)

They say she always disliked you
She bent back and forth
trying to writhe out of your grip
And she'd scream and whine with all her breath
when you held her close to your ribs

Time flies
The girl who was the height of your waist
is now chasing her own dreams

If She were a river,
you'd definitely be the ocean,
a place where she'd eventually drain herself
No matter where she goes,
or what she does.

It's just that sometimes you forget
that a butterfly was once an ugly caterpillar
a rainbow always comes after rain
and a diamond is made from carbon

The pressure you put inappropriately
will slowly break the things within

Flight of Ideas; Being an Observer, a Good Listener, and so on

People say that introverts observe their surroundings a lot. Indeed, I can't agree more. I --and also everyone-- am actually an ambivert, but one side is usually much stronger than the other. Me, I tend to be an introvert. So, yes, I observe a lot. When I observe something, it's like I'm talking to myself.. in my head.

In a given time, I can have so many questions and comments popping up in my head that I can barely concentrate on what I'm doing. Like this, for example.. I've been planning to write an article about it for a long time and I can't concentrate on finishing my LTM before doing so.

Because of these terrible sounds inside my head (I swear to you, it's not an auditory hallucination, I'm not psychotic!) sometimes I lose track of what people are telling me. And then voila.. my family label me as a bad listener, sometimes telmi #duh.

But... I do not deny that.

You know, to be a good doctor, you have to be a good listener. So far, I still am a bad listener and I'm ashamed of it. And so I started practicing. Thankfully, in KKD (keterampilan klinik dasar or basic clinical competence) we, medstudents, are taught about how to conduct a qualified interview or anamnesis. We're taught to build rapport with patients, make the conversation flow naturally, and dig information out of the patients so we can analyze and diagnose their illness more accurately. Never thought that I'd study this kind of thing before I entered medical school. No regrets, though. So far it's really interesting and very applicable.

Here are some holes in my communication skill:

1. Names
I used to forget people's names right after they mention it! I used to think that asking someone's name was simply an obligatory question before you start a conversation with somebody. So, when my partner mention their name, instead of listening to it, I was busy managing my facial expression or thinking about what question I should ask next. But now I know that I am totally doing it wrong. Remembering names is REALLY important. When you call your partner by their names, you have done the first step of building rapport with them.

--> To overcome this problem, I repeat their names after they mention it. And keep calling them by their name, not only 'bu', 'pak' or 'mbak' but 'bu XXX', 'pak YYY' or 'mbak AAA'


2. Details
By the way.. don't you know that our brain can discriminate important from non important facts of every sensory input we receive each time?  Sometimes I think that my brain needs an extra training about which ones are the important things and which ones are not.

For example.
"Dek, mama mau pergi yaa..."
"ohh iya ma, kapan? kemana?"
"mau ke rumah nenek. nanti lah, gak sekarang.. jam 2. mama mau ngambil kue dari bude kan kemarin bude jualan."

Idk, but my brain is over selective, that I only remember :
1. mama mau pergi ke rumah nenek,
2. nggak sekarang.
the rests are not important because it's none of my business.

But..... then, the next day when I talk to my mom again....
*buka kulkas* "wah.. ada blackforest.. dari siapa ma?"
"dari bude, dek"
"ohh... lah kapan bude kemari?"
"dek, kan kemarin mama ke rumah nenek buat ngambil titipan"

and I was like.. damn, I didn't pay attention to that!

--> what I do now, is simply reminding myself that I should focus on my partner when they're speaking. I must not hurriedly say "okay" or reply something before I really get what they're talking about. Looking at their face while they're talking can help a bit. Sometimes I reflect their ideas too. Anyway, I'm still learning to do it.

There are some other more, but..
I have to finish my LTM!
^___^

Goodbye To You

Hello, readers.. or may I say stalkers?

Glad that I'm finally able to post an article again after a long vacant period!

It may be illogical, may also be irrational, but i don't care. I usually can help myself not to talk about it. (Mom, Dad, Ken, Towi I hope you don't read this post. But if by chance you do, please don't laugh at me and don't bring this topic up whenever we talk)

First of all, I must admit that having someone watching my move is definitely making me clumsy and giving me goosebumps.

But after thinking much about it, why should I be hesitant to write my feelings again? (No, Sar, you shouldn't, unless they proofread your grammar structure cause you mess up a lot :p). The thing is, I won't let anyone change the way I am without my permission. I don't want to change how I think just to please anybody. It makes me feel like a hippocrate  hypocrite. Besides, I have to practice my own preach about honesty, my pride just won't let me betray it.

-------------------------------------------------------oo0oo-------------------------------------------------------


Dear stranger, 
did you know?
It was my first time
The first time I took a step out of the cage
without anyone to watch me,
nor someone to warn me,
I let myself unguarded 
as I always will.

Did you know?
I was one step ahead when you saw me
When you were far in the distance
I noticed first,
physically as well as psychologically
in a way that I believed 
we'd see again in some other time
in the future, for sure.

when you think you know anything about me,
Just keep in mind that I always one step ahead.
So don't lie
Cause I can tell

Bagaimana dengan Mereka?

Beberapa minggu lalu ketika gw mulai beraktivitas ke kampus lagi, gw melihat pemandangan yang berbeda di sepanjang jalan lenteng agung arah Depok. Biasanya di sisi kanan jalan itu banyak taman-taman buatan yang kecil tapi indah. Lumayan menyejukkan mata. Kalau gw dan paca lewat situ, dia pasti teriak "air terjuuun!!" dan gak bisa melepaskan pandangannya ke sisi kanan jalan sampai deretan taman itu berlalu.

Poor paca, dia nggak bisa melihat air terjun kesukaannya lagi sekarang. Ya, soalnya kios-kios pembuat taman itu sudah dihancurkan, mungkin karena letaknya di pinggir jalan kereta.

Lalu gw pun berpikir..

Mereka pindah kemana ya?

Sebenernya hal ini gak terjadi sama mereka saja. Yang gw lihat, sepertinya PT KAI atau mungkin pemda Jakarta secara umum lagi melakukan penertiban ya? Berbagai kios-kios "liar", seperti di deretan Pasar Minggu itu juga dirubuhin. Di Monas juga udah dilarang jualan. Kalau ketahuan jualan, dagangannya disita..kasihan

Melihat Jakarta tertib? tentu sangat senang. Tapi lagi-lagi gw mikir, 

Mereka pindah kemana ya?

Mereka, walaupun terlihat seperti parasit benalu yang selalu tumbuh dan tumbuh, yang kalau diusir bakal tetep dateng kayak flora normal kulit manusia, sebenernya adalah WARGA INDONESIA juga. Sebenalu apapun mereka, mereka itu punya hak juga loh, dear pejabat-pejabat tinggi Indonesia. 

Mereka juga manusia, mereka punya keluarga. Bahkan biasanya, keluarga ekonomi rendah punya anak (tanggungan) yang lebih banyak dari orang-orang ekonomi tinggi. Lalu, jika penghasilan mereka yang mungkin saat itu saja belum cukup untuk memenuhi kebutuhan mereka dihilangkan, mereka mau makan apa? mereka mau bertahan hidup dengan cara apa?

Dan dari situlah gw mikir,

"dear pejabat tinggi negara.. jangan paksa mereka untuk berbuat tindakan kriminal."

Mungkin penyebab maraknya pembegalan dan kriminalitas sadis di Depok akhir-akhir ini karena sebagian dari warganya have just lost their jobs.

Secara umum, memang benar, semakin sulit untuk hidup, semakin rendah pula tingkat kesejahteraan masyarakat, semakin tinggi kecemburuan sosial, dan semakin tinggi pula angka kriminalitas.

Coba deh bayangin kalo anda jadi mereka.. 

Anda jualan tissu atau makanan ringan di pinggir jalan, sementara anda melihat orang-orang yang lebih beruntung di dalam mobilnya yang nyaman. Apa yang akan ada pikirkan?

Kesal, cemburu, merasa pemerintah tidak adil, berprasangka buruk bahwa harta yang mereka dapatkan itu haram dan harusnya buat anda, merasa bahwa harta mereka sebagian harusnya buat anda, dan lain-lain.

Apalagi kalau si orang-orang beruntung itu seolah menutup mata akan kehadiran mereka.....

Mungkin mereka akan semakin terdorong untuk melakukan tindak kriminal.

Jadi, jangan terlalu bahagia melihat penderitaan orang lain. Jangan terlalu bahagia dengan penertiban pedagang atau sebagainya.. Karena justru dari situ kitalah yang mungkin jadi korban juga.

Bayangin deh, kalau anda adalah seorang ayah dan anak anda terkena usus buntu misalnya, yang harus segera dioperasi. Tapi anda tidak punya uang untuk membayar biaya operasi. 

Apakah anda akan diam saja melihat anak anda mengerang kesakitan?

Lalu anda akan berpikir bagaimana caranya mendapatkan uang banyak dalam waktu sekejap?

Percayalah, seorang Ayah akan melakukan hal apapun untuk buah hatinya

Sebesar apapun risiko dan buruknya perbuatan itu..

Jadi, bagaimana dengan mereka?

It's really frustrating to be helpless..

Semoga di kemudian hari tidak ada lagi orang-orang seperti mereka. Caranya? Preventif lebih baik. Tuntut ilmu yang bener selama masih sekolah. Supaya bisa bekerja dan dapat penghidupan lebih baik. Ajarkan etos kerja dan pantang menyerah kepada generasi muda kita.

Word Salad

I want to dive deeper into my soul, my conscience.
Me who once thought that this could be solved easily, figure out that it actually can't.

How can you erase something that doesn't exist?

Your words are encouraging, not to mention your strong tone.
Well, unlike me, you don't have any trouble choosing the right words to say.
It's as though you know me for years, like the back of your hand.
How can they be so painfully beautiful?

I'm just asking you to stand by me cause we don't know the way it's gonna be.
Things go wrong and I need more time to set it right
Will you be there when I hit the ground?

How can I feel happy over your desperation?

What if I take the jump?
What if I can't stop crying my heart out?
Will you be running for me even if I do it for granted?

I guess I'm no longer believe in happy ending
I just don't want to keep kidding myself
before it's too late

I'm gonna slide away
and I won't look back

Semacam Hal yang Paling Ditakuti

Nggak, gw nggak akan ngebahas kuntilanak atau dedemit, tapi gw mau bahas tentang anak. Iya, anak. makhluk krucil kecil yang lucu, imut tapi bisa jadi menyebalkan itu..!

Haha.. random banget ya? maklum lah, udah masuk usia reproduktif. Usia di mana time line lw isinya foto nikahan temen lw, update-an kehamilan temen lw atau foto temen lw dan anaknya. wkwk..

Entah ini terjadi di orang lain juga atau cuma di gw doang.

Menurut gw punya anak itu suatu keputusan yang besar. BANGET. Ini artinya bukan gw nggak mau punya anak loh.. Tapi semacam takut gagal.

Sekarang gw udah sering berinteraksi sama tuyul-tuyul kecil. Ketara banget loh mana anak yang dididik dengan baik sama orang tuanya, mana yang nggak. Anak-anak kecil yang diajarin manners, yang diajarin etos kerja, atau sifat-sifat lainnya itu beda sama anak yang dicuekin aja sama ortunya. (Atau mungkin ortunya gak cuek tapi salah asuhan aja). 

Anak itu ibarat kayu gelondongan dan orang tua itu pemahatnya. Bentuk dan wujudnya si anak ditentuin sama orang tuanya.. Singkatnya masa depan anak lw ada di tangan lw..! Serem gak sih? 

Seremnya lagi adalah emosi gw yang masih super labil. Lah gimana caranya gw ngasih mental support ke anak gw kalo emaknya aja masih ingusan begini? nanti nangis di pojokan bareng! #hiks

Pokoknya ngurus anak tuh butuh komitmen dan perencanaan yang baik banget deh ya kalo mau anaknya perfect #ups here I go again. Dari sebelom hamil aja udah harus dipikirin tuh bibit-bobotnya. Trus pas hamil harus dijaga bener-bener supaya anaknya gak lahir cacat dan kalau lahir normal usahakan normalnya yang superior hehe. Pas udah lahir, harus sabar ngajarin anak dari 0, harus bisa ngasih respons yang tepat ke tindakan yang dia lakukan (setuju-gak setuju), harus belajar cara ngelarang ke anak, belajar cara apresiasi, macem-macem deh.. (these are the hardest parts I cant seem to master). Serta detail-detail lainnya. (Pernah gak sih lw merasa kesel atau bahagia dengan sikap orang tua lw dan lw catet sebagai dos and don'ts buat nanti pas lw jadi orang tua?? I always do)

Mungkin yang lebih mikirin detail hal ini adalah calon ibu kali yaa, secara tanggung jawab utamanya ada di ibu. Kegagalan anak itu kegagalan ibu loh :(

Trus gw jadi mikir

Da aku mah apa atuh..... makan aja masih dimasakin, LTM aja kelar J-2, suka ilang-ilangan, masih nggak peka, belajar H-4 sumatif, masih plinplan, sering skip, dan bahkan ortu sendiri yang bilang gw masih belom mandiri haha.. kok berani-beraninya mikirin nikah dan punya anak?

Gak segampang itu! Masih banyak yang perlu diperbaiki. Masih ada waktu buat belajar. 

Intinya,, sebaiknya jangan memutuskan untuk punya anak sebelum lw siap dan emg bener-bener bersedia berkorban buat anak lw. (lah gw ngurus Rasya seharian aja sudah habis jiwa dan raga saya... apalagi harus ngurus anak 24/7 sampe dia gede. *mah, makasih yaa udah ngurus adek yang bandel ini :")* )

Yaa semoga jadi renungan aja..

Sampe kapan nggak siap? Mau siap karbid-an? Kasian anaknya, kasian ibunya.

Makanya berubah!

The Unimportant Minor Details

I will always say hello to you

Put on my biggest smile for you

I will cheer you up when you feel blue

I will help you pass it through

I'm not the one to rule this tyranny

Neither am I a lady

But knowing that supporting you is my duty

I shall be a shadow to keep you company

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those who are and will carry the responsibility over their shoulders, I let you know that I'm rooting for you. I may not be able to do something big, but I'll do the minor details to smooth things out.

When you have nothing more to maintain

That will be my time to take a step and fly

Somehow I'll find my place to begin again

Inspiration

It's funny how I just realized by now that you've always been my inspiration. Everything that I do, you are the reason for it, you are the driving force. I try my best to meet your expectation. why? I don't know,maybe because I'm happy to see the curve of your lips. 

It's amazing how a simple no from you can break my tears. I almost believe that you are my ticking bomb. When you explode, you always seem to make things worse. But they say the one who can hurt you the most is the one you love the most. Maybe it's because I love you too much that whatever you say matters a lot.

But you only see a rebel, which makes me really look down on me. And your tacit mouth leaves too much scars, it'll take times to heal. Right now I'm messing up, can't you see? 

No matter how hard I try, I know I'll never be your favorite. So I always hope that I'll finally meet someone who cares as much as you do. One whom I can run to, listen to every rubbish that comes out of my careless mouth, and help me put together the scratches of my tangled mind. 

Our bond is just so confusing. I don't understand how I can hate you as strong as I love you, at the same time. All those writings about you can't help me get through this and certainly can't fix the broken strings between us. 

I just hope one day I get to see that curve without me even trying.

From Your Little Girl (3)

Shiver

Dear readers...

Today was just an ordinary day.

Tomorrow I'll be starting the last module in this semester. Time flies so fast here..phew. It's good that I haven't felt too much pressure so far. I always pray for the best.

--------------- oOo ---------------

I never have any problem with being alone. You teach me how to survive by my own. You said to trust no one and so I live with that conviction. There comes time when I have to open my arms, to put others before my own. But how am I supposed to react? When all my life has been dedicated to me. How am I supposed to master altruism? When all I ever learn is egoism? Everyday I try to figure out

what goes wrong with what I 'm doing, which step that I'm missing. At this point, right now, it's just really hard not to hate this reflection off the mirror. Does this sound normal at all?

Who am I anyway..

to deserve your attention.

From Your Little Girl (2)

Mencari Jati Diri

Dear readers,

Kalau aku sebut Mohammad Ali, tinju yang kaupikir
Jika aku sebut Bill Gates, lambang Microsoft seketika muncul
Ya, tinju dan Microsoft adalah kata yang selalu mengiringi nama mereka

Tapi, jika kusebut namamu, apa yang orang pikir?
Jika orang menyebut namaku, apa yang kaupikir?



Stereotype [n]
fixed idea of what sb/sth is like



Setiap orang memiliki stereotype, sesuatu yang paling baik ia lakukan
Sampai-sampai orang lain selalu mengingatnya,
Sampai-sampai orang lain mengencapnya dengan sesuatu itu

Dan aku ingin stereotype orang terhadapku
adalah sesuatu hal yang paling aku gemari
satu hal yang paling bisa kulakukan

Tetapi bahkan hingga saat ini aku masih mencari
One thing that I'm best at

Hingga Akhir Hayat

Ilmu-Mu terlalu luas untuk kupahami,
terlalu dalam untuk kuselami
Tetapi semakin kumenyusurinya,
semakin aku terkesima dibuatnya
semakin aku terpaut padanya
Untuk itu, mudahkan aku dalam mempelajari ilmu-Mu
Ringankan aku dalam mengamalkan ilmu

"Wahai Dzat Yang Maha Memiliki Ilmu, berikanlah aku ilmu yang bermanfaat, rizqi yang halal, dan amalan yang diterima"

Balance

When a man stands up for himself

A conductor of his own symphony

where tragedy and triumph play in harmony

A man behind the wheel

The strongest storm can't break his will

For he has always been a soloist,

a man whose mind I can't decode,

solving the puzzle that life untold

is like living in a mine of gold.

For he is the center of my gravity

I look at him and it makes me worry

Will I ever be a part of your destiny?

Or will I just get lost in my own story?

Will I ever make room for somebody?

Am I willing to disturb my tone with your melody?

I wish I could just skip this phase

But it won't change whom I'll embrace

---------------------------------------------------------o0o-------------------------------------------------------------

Not quite a love verse

It's just some thinking that crossed my mind while studying human reproductive system

Wish me success for tomorrow's exam!

I choose

Since the day I made that decision

I realize

People stare at me as I pass through

They look at me from head to toe

Some look down on me

Some show amusement or confusion

I realize

I could have taken an opposite decision

I could turn my world upside down anytime I want

People may still stare at me as I walk

But they would show different look

I'd have had all I've always wanted

Do everything I want without constraint

Be what ever I like without being questioned at

Hang out all night and go home late

Have fun with brats

and perhaps go on dates

I could have done that

I could

But I don't

I choose to believe in Him who knows me best

I choose to be patient and bury my beast

All I want will come to me at last

I choose to hide away my treasure

So that only one who's earnest enough will find the pleasure

One who sees me by the heart

Not by the clothe I wear

nor by the way I pull my hair

So, yes I choose to be patient

And let Him choose for me

Where's Your Spirit?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about it since I was in junior high. No, actually since my parents taught me the meaning of trying. This issue came up again when I met 2 little girls in my neighborhood while I was running.

They're known as JJ, an abbreviation for Jeni and J(z)ahra (that's what they said). They usually ride their bike around the graveyard in our neighborhood (the graveyard, despite its mystical atmosphere, is so shady and calm that people use it to do some exercises and play with their children). They're still in 2nd and 3rd year of elementary school. They live near the graveyard, a small place where the illegal transmigrants live. Btw, they're neighbors. Frankly speaking, they come from a low socio-economic family. Why do I tell you this? You'll see later.

So, one afternoon I met them again for the several times. As I ran, they followed me with their bike and we chatted. But, when we got into one corner, they stopped. It turned out that there were boys at the other end of the road whom they avoided to meet. I asked why and they replied, "We teased him and now he's mad at us. We're afraid." "what did you tease him about?" "I said that he has crush on Jahro," said Jeni. Ah so...

And to my surprise, they started talking about love, love, and love. What I couldn't stand was to see them giggle while talking about it. As far as I could remember, I didn't know about love until I was in 4th year elementary school. Was I too late to know about love?

Then, I became very curious to determine the risk factors of their "precocious" love life hehe. After a short interview, I can conclude that it's their home atmosphere which contributes to their behavior. Their parents watch sinetron with them. (again and again, I can't stop blaming SINETRON for the deterioration of our young generation's quality). I can't stop thinking why parents allow their underage children to watch those things instead of encouraging their children to study hard, instead of motivating their children to have a better life than them. 

On another meeting, I asked them what they wanted to do in the future. They seemed to be really reluctant. Fortunately, they had something in mind. I mean, at least they have a "goal". But, they looked to put less interest in that topic. sad.

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Now, thinking about that story, I feel really blessed to have parents who concern about my future. Who created "a map" or a "grand design" for me, to make it easier for me to live my life. I can't judge  yet whether their plan is successful or not, but I assure you that I have a far better life than they had when they were my age. More than that, I'm grateful to have parents who teach me how to fight and keep struggling for my dreams. I remember being very bored listening to Mom's lecture about hard work, but that time I didn't know  that apparently not every parents teach it to their children. 

It's really sad to see most of our young generations have forgotten about what hard work is. Seeing students at school just want to have fun, wasting their parents' money, while being lazy at school and even concentrate more on their bf/gf than their study really breaks my heart. What can stupid simple crush give you in the future when you no longer have your parents? Don't you realize that this world is so wild that only prepared people have the convenience? Perhaps parents' socio-economic status and education plays a big role in this matter, though it's not the only determining factor. Maybe it's because of their limitation. But, shouldn't children from low-economic family have a big motivation to have a much better life than their parents? Again, maybe it's because their parents never told them so because of their limitation in some ways.

So, I set a rule; whenever I feel weary of the assignments or the overwhelmed materials that I have to learn, I remember them then I swear to keep my spirit up or else I'll be just like them. I love this country too much that I can't bear to destroy it by my own hand, by my own stupidity and carelessness. And maybe it's true that I have so much self-esteem that I don't want to be like them. But it really "nge-gemesin" as well as pitiful to see their soul-less, unmotivated life.

When I entered this university, I met more people who have more dedication and spirit than me. Although it makes me feel a little bit inferior, I know that I have to catch up and learn more from them.

So, dear me, whenever you feel like giving up or being lazy, read this post again. 

And who ever read this, please start living your life with a high spirit to be a useful and better person. It doesn't have to be a high education degree or career position. But, simply a desire to be better, to be useful.

Finally, I apologize once more for my boldness and arrogance (perhaps). I never meant to.

I will

I have lived long enough to feel happy
But short enough to taste tears
I find no excuse to not be grateful for what I am now
Although you're here with me today
I miss our trio running down the street
I miss the laughter, all the sweaty things we've ever done
I miss your touches on my face and kisses on my eyes
I miss your hug whenever you came home
I miss every lesson you gave me with all your heart
I miss all the happiness you always shared with me
And how we always spend time together
And what you did when I felt sad
And how you encouraged me when I felt small
And how blessed I felt that time
Although I miss those things
There's nothing to be done
You're here with me today
And that leaves me with no excuse to be grateful
And someday when you are gone
I won't have a clue about how I will keep moving on
But if you want me to
I will

Naive

"I'm sorry I'm so helpless in this angry world.
If only I could change it for one day"

Please don't quit
You make me believe that I can do more

Sorry for posting this in the middle of Ramadhan
I guess I really am helpless,
Helplessly want to give something for this land that I cherish so much

Telling The Truth

Only a few people dare to tell the truth.

Yes, it takes a lot of courage just to tell people the truth. Especially when the truth concerns their custom, a belief that they hold very dearly, or even someone they idolize or worship. Before you speak up or click the "share" button, you may have thought about all the consequences. Your reputation, your name, and their judgement of you is at stake. One click, one word, and one opinion which has once said, cannot be unsaid. and it will label you forever. That's a whole lot of considerations just to share the truth!

And then people start reacting. Some people spontaneously react at the crime scene. Some other don't speak up their mind because they don't want to trouble themselves. But, inside they don't agree with you, they label you. They may even start hating you, start objecting to your arguments. Some just don't care. And finally, only a few accept your opinion.

It's okay for me to take all the swearing and cursing that are addressed to me. I'm fine, -Aku rapopo-, they're just defending their idol. I had considered every disadvantages I might get for sharing the truth before I spoke up. I had doubted myself ; that I really wanted to take the responsibility of what I would say. And I had deleted and rewritten my messages repeatedly. But in the end, I chose to speak up.

And I don't regret it.

I believe, despite the numerous haters that mock me, deep inside, they will think about it. At least they have heard about it. If I'm lucky, they'll dream about it. So it's no longer my responsibility to inform people about the truth. If they listen to me, I'll be very pleased. But if they don't, please do so. I never insist, I never force anyone into believing what I believe. Someday, the same issue will come up and they will remember my words, a hint that I once gave them but they pushed away. The truth will eventually reveal itself.

I appreciate someone who stands up for the truth more than someone who just do nothing. As if they don't want to taint their images by doing such "controversial" criticisms. Someone who is actually hiding his/her cowardice behind "let's respect plurality". Some people say they don't want to see us fighting with each other so they choose not to speak up. Hahaha I'm very impressed. So you choose to live in harmony while pretending that you don't feel something wrong? I just want to tell them, we got our hands dirty for you too.

I'm not saying that it's acceptable to use provocative words which induce hatred among people. We have to tell the truth with the right methods, of course. But it's natural that people deny to change a value that they believe have been right all this time. That people will hate/mock/disgrace the "preacher" who tells the truth is inevitable.


So, don't be afraid to tell the truth. If you know the truth, share it with the world. It will ease your mind.

Selalu dipandang Sebelah Mata

Ketika kami bersinar, kalian ikut bahagia
Ketika kami jatuh, kalian ikut mencela
Kalian tak pernah merasakan
Bagaimana sakitnya dipandang sebelah mata

Dalam peperangan, kalian bilang semua setara
Apa yang kami bawa perang itu sama
Tidak ada privilege
Tidak ada belas kasih

Kami tidak perlu privilege :p
Kami tidak butuh belas kasih
Dari orang-orang yang memandang kami sebelah mata
Dari orang-orang yang memenjarakan kami

Seorang dokter tidak akan dituntut
Jika sebelum praktik ia menyodorkan informed consent (if you know what i mean)
Kalian boleh bilang kami pengecut, mau enaknya saja, anything you call it!
Tapi kalian lupa

Ada hak kami
Hak kami untuk mendapatkan porsi yang sama dengan mereka
Mereka yang tidak dipenjara, mereka yang tidak terbebani
Oleh kewajiban mengharumkan bangsa

Ketika mereka mengerti semua masalah
Sedang mata kami hanya tertuju pada satu arah
Lalu dalam tempo yang sama
Kami harus memecahkan masalah yang sama

Dan kalian lupa
Bahwa kami adalah tunas-tunas kecil
Yang masih butuh mentari dan nutrisi agar bisa tumbuh dan berbuah
Tunas yang masih belum tentu nasibnya

Dan kalian lupa
Berapa banyak hama dan tunas-tunas lain
yang mengancam pertumbuhannya
yang mendapatkan pupuk lebih banyak dari kami

Lalu kalian meminta kami untuk dewasa
Kalian meminta kami untuk bunuh diri
Tanpa informed consent
Tanpa menjelaskan risiko

Mungkin jika tahu demikian,
kami tidak mau bunuh diri
dan kami akan bersikap dewasa atas segala yang terjadi
karena kami telah berpikir matang

Bukankah bangsa yang besar adalah bangsa yang menghargai pahlawannya?

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Untuk kalian tunas-tunas kecil, bersabarlah karena Allah Maha Adil
Manusia boleh meremehkan kalian, boleh memandang kalian sebelah mata, boleh sok-sokan mengerti, padahal tidak berada di posisi kalian
Tapi sesungguhnya ada yang lebih tahu
Yang lebih mengerti
Yang tidak akan mencemooh kalian meskipun kalian bersikap kekanakan karena kalian memang masih kanak-kanak


Untuk kalian yang mengaku "juara sejati", kalian boleh bilang kami pengecut, lemah, terserah. Karena sesungguhnya juara sejati tidak akan mengatai lawannya. Juara sejati tidak pernah mengaku sebagai juara. Juara sejati memiliki EMPATI, bukan sarkasme.