Harga Sebuah Kejujuran

Hai readers..

Berhubung udah malem, jadi gw to the point aja.
Posting kali ini lagi-lagi berisi komplain dan unek-unek yang udah lama gw simpen, yaitu tentang kejujuran. Gw udah gak tahan banget ngeluarinnya, jadi maaf kalo bahasa yg gw pake agak cablak dan poin nya lompat-lompat. Tulisan ini juga berpotensi menyinggung kalian.

Ceritanya, gw baru aja selesai nonton ILC. Gw sangat tidak ahli di bidang hukum dan gw nggak tau secara pasti mana yang bener, mana yang salah. Tapi, gw bisa menilai seseorang sedikit-sedikit dari omongannya.

Topik malam ini adalah tentang migas. Migas itu ibarat keju besar yang aromanya bikin tikus-tikus di sekitarnya ngiler (pajak juga gitu sih sebenernya). Berhubung gw juga tidak ahli di bidang migas tapi gw ahli miayam (apa sih -__-"), jadi gw gak akan bahas tentang seluk beluk SKK migas, dasar hukum, dan kreasi manusia lainnya yang punya banyak celah untuk dilewati itu. Tapi, yang gw soroti adalah kenapa sih koruptor bisa semasif itu di Indonesia?

Mosi ini muncul karena gw sering denger cerita Ayah gw yang seorang akuntan. Dia sering cerita seberapa mudahnya pemangku-pemangku kepentingan di Indonesia kong-kalingkong dan main cincai-cincaian. Seluruh sektor ekonomi yang ada di Indonesia pasti ada koruptornya. Polisi, birokrat, hakim, pejabat, dan pekerjaan sejenisnya juga banyak banget menerima godaan buat meres uang rakyat. Hanya sebagian kecil aja yang imannya masih kuat dan bisa lulus dari ujian itu. Sebagian besarnya pasti (note that: PASTI) pernah nelen uang haram walaupun sedikit. Contoh yang bisa dilihat deh, polisi minta uang "damai" kalo nilang pengendara kendaraan bermotor. Kalo pemerintah beda lagi. Pemilihan tender didasarkan sama pihak yang ngasih komisi paling gede. Udah gitu uang proyeknya dikorupsi. Lagu lama lah ya..

Kapan sih Indonesia bakal bersih dari koruptor?

Apakah saat kita punya ahli-ahli yang sangat kompeten di bidangnya masing-masing? GAK JUGA. Apakah kalian pikir orang-orang yang korupsi itu bodoh? Mereka itu pintar tapi serakah. Buktinya banyak guru-guru besar universitas TOP yang ternyata ketahuan korupsi. MEMALUKAN. Mencoreng almamater sendiri.

Readers,
Orang yang bermain hujan-hujanan ya pasti bakal basah. Kecuali kalo dia ngelindungin dirinya pake jas hujan, ya gak? Sama kayak tubuh kita yang terekspos patogen setiap detik. Tapi kita gak selalu sakit karena kita punya sistem imun. Nah, sistem imun itu menurut gw adalah moral. Maaf-maaf nih, gw juga bukan ahli PKN yang bisa mendefinisikan arti moral menurut para ahli. Menurut gw, intinya, kita butuh sesuatu di dalam diri kita sendiri yang ngingetin kita untuk gak nyeleweng dari ketentuan yang berlaku. Dan menurut gw lagi, moral ini adalah hasil sebuah pendidikan.

Kita tuh harusnya dididik untuk bermoral dari kecil. Salah satu bukti orang bermoral itu adalah jujur. Okelah ada pelajaran PKN, at least kita belajar teori tentang moral. Tapi, buat apa kita belajar teorinya kalo pas ujian tetep nyontek?
Agak curhat sedikit nih. Di semua lembaga pendidikan yang pernah gw ikutin; sekolah, bimbel, dll (kecuali pelatnas sih) pasti aja ada yang curang, ada yang nyontek, ada yang kerja sama, ada yang bohong, ada yang ngasih contekan. Tanpa rasa bersalah, yang penting gak remed. Parahnya, gw pernah menjumpai seorang guru yang tahu kalo si X nyontek. Tapi gak ditegur. Bukankah kalo si X jadi koruptor nanti, guru tersebut salah satu penyebabnya karena gak pernah mencoba memberitahu X tentang arti kejujuran? Dan gw juga pihak yang bersalah sih karena cuma diam.

Kisah lainnya adalah ketika ujian praktik olahraga dimana siswa kelas XII harus lari 6 putaran stadion Sumantri. Larinya itu gerombolan dan berkloter-kloter. Ada batas waktunya juga, readers. Tentu saja, ujian ini melelahkan. Tapi harusnya lelah bareng-bareng dong? Nah, di saat kita semua lagi lari dengan capeknya, ada satu orang yang punya ide untuk bohong. Dia pelari yang lambat dan staminanya gak kuat. Supaya gak remed, dia ngaku udah lari 6 putaran padahal baru 4 putaran. Berhubung ini larinya gerombolan, jadi guru gw nggak ngeh, dia percaya aja. Nyebelinnya, dia ngajak-ngajak yang lain untuk bohong juga (gak mau sendirian gitu). Gw coba bilangin tapi gw gak bisa maksa. Dia udah cukup dewasa.

Ada lagi cerita lain yang bikin gw sakit hati.

Jadi gw pernah dengerin sebuah radio sebut saja radio G. Saat itu acaranya lagi ngebahas tentang hal ngeselin apa yang temen lw pernah lakuin ke lw. Trus, salah satu pendengarnya ada yang ngerespon. Dia bercerita bahwa suatu hari dia lagi ujian. Trus dia udah buntu banget sama soal ujiannya. Akhirnya dia nyontek dari LKS yang diumpetin di bawah mejanya. Trus, temen di depannya ngeliat kecurangan itu dan temennya itu ngelapor ke pengawas kalo dia nyontek. Trus dia malah sewot dan marah-marah. Tapi dia bilang dia BERUNTUNG GAK KETAHUAN karena LKSnya diumpetin di lokasi yang gak mungkin dilihat gurunya. Trus, si pembawa acara radio itu malah ikut menimpali, "gilee nyebelin banget tuh anak. Ngapain sih pake lapor-lapor?"

The moment I heard that, I said "this radio is TOTAL GARBAGE!". Ngajarin yang gak bener ke generasi muda. Pengen gw toyor aja kepalanye. Trus dia bilang apa, beruntung? Apanya yang beruntung, toh kamu malah terperosok ke jurang yang lebih dalam. *emosi emosi emosi*. Segitu cemen nya kah moral pelajar, generasi muda yang bakal mimpin negara ini? Sama soal ujian aja imannya gak kuat, apalagi sama duit bertriliun-triliun? Miris.

Gw nggak bermaksud sok suci. Ini juga sebuah cambuk buat gw untuk menyadari lagi harga sebuah kejujuran yang lama-lama mulai melonjak juga kayak harga daging.

Jadi sebenernya readers, inti post gw kali ini ada di 1 kalimat di bawah. (pembukaannya panjang bener ye?)

Yuk, mulai lagi untuk jujur. Simpel aja, stop lying and don't make excuses.
If you can't tell the truth, then don't tell lies. 

Mohon maaf yaa kalo ada yang tersinggung.
Semoga menginspirasi.

Tracking Changes

Hello readers

It is almost midnight but I feel like writing. I can't sleep, my biological clock has shifted during the holiday.
Anyway, the thing that's been bugging me showed up after I met my high school friends 3 weeks ago. Yes, my SP family. I love them so much, seriously. But that's not the point.

So... what is it then?

It's the changes that I saw in them. Actually it's not only them -the SP guys- but everyone I know; childhood friends, best friends, relatives, etc. Sometimes I take a tour on their blog to read their stories, or simply see their photos, checking them out, see how they've been doing.

Have I told you that I'm a guardian-type-of-person based on David Keirsey's temperament theory? One of guardian characteristics is clinging on to the past. I feel uneasy to see something that is not what it's used to be. That's why I told myself a hundred times to always move on.

Back to the story. Most of my friends have changed. Well, I can say they're basically growing on their own chosen path. The one who was always a subdued person becomes an open one. The other one was quite a passive student back in high school but he's an activist now. But what I can't believe is that they're making a rapid progress on love. The ones whom I thought would never get involve in a relationship apparently has gotten themselves a gf/bf. I can see the changes with my bare eyes. The way they think, the way they act, the way they dress, everything.

Not all of the changes are bad, though. Some changes can be a progress, like many of my friends wear hijab now. My other friends seem to show more respect for other people, at least after somebody scolded them.

But then the question is
How would I know that I haven't changed?
How do I keep track of myself?
How can I decide if I'm making a progress?

That's when I started to realize that I need to write. I need to write so that I can see how far I've been running.

------------------------------------------

When I see you
Our memories flash in my mind, like an old movie
It's just that I don't have tapes
to capture every moment and allow me to rewind
to watch our best scene
to enjoy the climax of our tale
Just like a tire will wear out as it spins
My memories will fade out as I age
Leaving blurry trace until I blank out
So I capture it with words
Whenever I miss you I can recite
Recall the voice that once was heard

Don't look back, just keep running

This is not a love verse. This is an oath I made to keep running constantly. Even when the road is steep or full of rocks, all I have to do is keep my feet on the track, open my eyes and ears widely, ready to respond any stimulus. This is a real fight, not a drill. Nothing is more certain than death and yesterday. The undo button is removed, so I've got no choice but to keep moving forward.

                                                       ------------------ oOo ------------------

Untuk apa memiliki?

Jika tak pernah kaupagari?

Tak juga kaurawat sepenuh hati?

Agar ia betah berada di sisimu

Agar serigala yang lapar itu

Tak berani mendekat untuk merebutnya darimu

Meskipun ia meronta-ronta, memanggil namamu

Menjatuhkan diri untuk menarik perhatianmu

Kau terus berpaling, mengacuhkan nalurimu

Meluruhkan harapan mereka,

Sepasang mata yang selalu terjaga

Ketika kau meragukan makna sebelum datang pelita

Penantianku atasnya

tidak lagi sebatas kata-kata yang kutulis

yang kurangkai dan kusesali

Bukan lagi sebuah rencana yang kususun

tapi tak pernah terealisasi

Penantianku atasnya

berganti dengan aksi

Lebih nyata dari sekadar mimpi

Lebih berisi dari kata-kata motivasi

Penantian ini sebuah ambisi

Regret

I know it's so old fashion to bring up this topic. I've written about it like a dozen times and you might start getting bored of the idea just like me getting tired of all these drama. But this is what's happening to me. I can't believe that I literally keep doing the same mistakes and keep regretting for re-doing it.

I have no idea how to make myself regret something that isn't happening yet cause it always comes late. And I hate myself for not doing my best cause I'll look so pathetic. I don't even know why I'm writing it. Jeez.
So this is regret. Enjoy



Is this a suicide?
Cause you're digging your own grave
Playing hero, standing brave
Though it's nobody that you save

But darling don't be afraid of the dark
Cause the darker it seems,
The brighter you'll see the star
So clear that you'll find hope

So before the sun has set
Or the ices melt
Come back and go straight
Cause it'll leave you nothing but regret

Giving

How many people out there seeking for light?
They have eyes, but they are blind
They see colors, but they never know
how beautiful rainbow is
and that gold is worthless without it

How many people out there searching for love?
Hurting their own pride
Crossing the line, wanting for more
While you're resting
in angel's arms

How many people out there waiting to be seen?
When your presence
earns you the crown
without even trying

Many people are blazing like scarlet
Like they can crush everything they find
or conquer every mountain
or shatter every dream

But they don't know,
they're broken

So when they come to you
You become a good runner
Running away into the blue
without burden, without pain
Will you shut your eyes?
Will you throw away your love?
Instead of caring?

But the clock is ticking
So fast that you might lose them
But then suddenly stop
and you might miss them

Komplain

Readers

Gw nggak nyangka bisa bertahan hampir 3 semester pulang-pergi Tanjung Barat - Salemba setiap hari. Menurut gw, itu sebuah prestasi soalnya setiap hari hidup gw penuh perjuangan.

1. Perjuangan pagi
    Pagi-pagi itu.... badai banget buat gw. Apalagi kalo hari Senin atau Jumat. Jalanan macet udah kayak sembelit!! Ditambah lagi kalo kuliah atau diskusi jam 7. Mau metoongg doong. Syukur-syukur masih sempet mandi sarapan di rumah. Tambah stress kalo di jalan tol ketemu musuh bebuyutan gw, plat mobil F dan mobil-mobil lain yang sering "bobo" di jalanan (maap maap, bukannya rasis yaa). "Jalannya kayak nggak punya tujuan hidup," begitu kata Ayah gw. wkwk.. Perjuangan gw dilanjutkan dengan nyari parkiran di kampus. Heran, parkiran di kampus itu luas sebenernya. TAPI..... sebagian besarnya udah di-tag sama staff-staff kampus. hufftt... sedih :( Trus yaa yang namanya parkir di Salemba itu jarak antarmobilnya 0-15 cm. Syukur kalo masih dapet parkir. Kalo nggak? Metyaww

2. Perjuangan ngejalanin semua tantangan di kampus (presentasi-lah, ujian, nyerep pelajaran)
    Ude sampe, tenang-tenang, taunya beredar isu post-test. jeengggg... langsung buka buku, tanya2 temen, browsing internet sono-sini kayak kebakaran jenggot. Cobaan lainnya: ppt diskusi belom kelar, LTM belom diprint, maju presentasi, sekip pengumpulan tugas :( bebaaaaann....

3. Perjuangan pulang
    Gw seneng bangeettt kalo udah jam 3, which meanss... pulang!! UPS gak seenak itu. Yang namanya idup di kampus ini, jarang banget yang namanya pulang cepet. Rapat ini, rapat itu, presentasi ini, presentasi itu. Nggak ngerti lagi... padahal rumah gw diujung dunia. But still, WHO CARES??? Kalo pulang jam 4-an, gw masih nyaman naik kereta. Kalo pulang nanggung (jam 5) beeuuh... dapet pijakan kaki di dalam gerbong aja udh syukur banget. Gw sering nggak bisa masuk kereta saking penuhnya. Kadang setelah 3 kereta lewat, gw baru bisa masuk. Yaa namanya juga transportasi cepet dan MURAH BANGET. siapa yang gak mau? Kalo naik angkot, lain ceritanya. Kalo naik angkot, gw sering hipertensi gara-gara supirnya 1) jalan ogah-ogahan 2) berenti sembarangan 3) ngetem kelamaan 4) minta ongkos tambahan (sampe Rp 5.000!!). Nista banget, kalo lagi kesel gw suka kutuk abangnya. Terutama M16 yang sering gw naikin. Moga-moga aje dapet hidayah tuh abangnya. Kalo naik mobil, cobaannya beda lagi. Banyak org yang "bobo", alias jalannya leleeeett banget. (ini fakta.. bahkan ada yang jarak dia dan mobil depannya 10 meter padahal lagi macet dan anehnya mobil di jalur sebelahnya gak ada yang nyalib. sama-sama bobo gw rasa).

Ketika gw lagi terkantuk-kantuk di jalan atau berdesak-desakkan di kereta, temen-temen gw yang ngekos mungkin lagi "bocor" (bobok core) di kamarnya atau lagi belajar. hiks hiks...


4. Perjuangan melawan kantuk
    Nah.. ini dia nih cobaan paling sulit. KANTUK. Gw itu tipe orang yang harus tidur minimal 9 jam sehari. Entah kenapa, abis Isya pasti gw langsung ngantuk. Bahkan kopi pun tak mempan. Biasanya, gw sampe di rumah pukul 7-8 malem. Sedangkan, gw harus berangkat pagi-pagi jam 5.30. Which means, abis sampe rumah langsung tidur, nggak sempet belajar atau kerjain tugas lama-lama. Pernah gw tidur tanpa makan atau mandi dulu haha.. Udah kayak kesantet, nggak bisa dibangunin. Mungkin ini ada hubungannya sama kadar hb gw yang jarang banget mencapai 12 gr/dl. Entahlah...

Gw ngerasa makin lama, hidup gw makin tercecer. Yaa akibat 4 tantangan yang gw jelasin itu. Tapi, gw teringat kata-kata kakak kader waktu SMA dulu,

"Jangan pernah nyalahin keadaan"

Awalnya gw nggak nganggep ini serius. Tapi setelah kuliah, gw ngerti maksudnya.
Setelah kuliah, gw tahu kalo gw udah memasuki fase semi-dewasa. Fase itu adalah fase di mana setiap orang berhak memilih dan menentukan apa yang ingin mereka lakukan. Kenapa? karena dewasa means kita udah tahu dan siap atas konsekuensi yang kita dapet dari setiap tindakan itu.

Itu artinya, kesiapan gw ya tergantung pilihan tindakan gw. Gw nggak bisa nyalahin jalanan yang macet atau hujan trus banjir, dan lain-lain. Tapi gw bisa nyalahin diri gw sendiri karena nggak bisa menyikapinya. Misalnya, macet. Salah gw sendiri kenapa nggak pulang cepet, kenapa pulang di jam macet. Dan misalnya gw pulang sore karena ada rapat, gw gak bisa nyalahin rapat itu,karena ikut rapat atau nggak itu pilihan gw. Jadi, gw gak bisa nyalahin siapapun kalo gw harus depresi atau stress di jalan atau stress gara-gara ltm belom kelar akibat ikut acara tertentu. Karena sekali lagi, itu pilihan gw.  Dan gw juga nggak menuntut mereka untuk tanggung jawab atas depresi dan stress yang gw alami.

Jadi, ya mulai sekarang gw sendiri yang harus tegas untuk milih mana acara yang harus gw ikutin, mana yang nggak. Gw nggak peduli lagi mau dibilang MT atau nggak. Kalau ujung-ujungnya gw depresi dan kesulitan sendiri, bukannya mereka yang MT sama gw?

Well, berhubung gw gak bisa komplain secara lisan ke temen-temen dan gw akan depresi sendiri kalo dipendem lama-lama, jadi gw tulis aja di sini, komplain yang udah lama ada di kepala gw. Semoga menginspirasi (?) wkwkwk...

There is no stupid question

Post ini didedikasikan untuk semua orang yang memiliki rasa ingin tahu yang besar.

Sebenarnya post ini terinspirasi dari INSIS senin lalu yang membahas tentang sunnah-sunnah Idul Adha. Ketika sesi tanya jawab, salah seorang jamaah bertanya, "sebenarnya, yang tidak boleh motong kuku dan motong rambut itu orangnya atau kambingnya, stad?" Sontak seisi ruangan tertawa. Si penanya hanya tersipu malu. Kasihan...

Yang saya ambil dari kisah di atas adalah keberaniannya untuk bertanya. Dia bisa saja mencari di internet tentang hal itu, tp risiko kalau mencari sendiri terkadang lupa dan akhirnya tidak pernah dicari. Selamanya kita berada dalam kebingungan atau bahkan konsep yang salah.

Terkadang, kita memikirkan sesuatu yang sangat rumit padahal konsep dasarnya belum dikuasai sepenuhnya. Namun, ada perasaan enggan untuk bertanya tentang hal itu. Takut dibilang bodoh lah, takut ditertawai, dan sebagainya. Pada akhirnya, konsep dasar itu tak pernah kita kuasai. Justru pertanyaan yang kita anggap bodoh itulah sebenarnya bagian yang terpenting..

Yahh... Begitulah namanya manusia, selalu terpengaruh oleh sekitarnya, selalu memikirkan apa yang akan orang lain pikir tentangnya.

Salah juga bagi orang yang menertawakan. Sudah sepatutnya kita menghargai keberanian sang penanya. Jangan2, yang menertawakan itu sebenarnya juga tidak tahu!!

Namun memang tidak semua pertanyaan dapat dikeluarkan begitu saja. Asalkan tidak melanggar kesopanan dan adabnya sih nggak apa2..

The Door's Wide Open

The World is waiting to be explored

Even though right now it's not my time..
I'm sure there'll come the time when I can seize it
And start my own adventure

From Your Little Girl

I wonder,
If it wasn't me
If it was someone else like my friend, for example

would the condition still be the same?
would you still be disappointed like this?
or would you be at ease right now, laughing and talking instead of yelling?
or would your voice be much louder and your tone be much harsher than just now?

If that rule applies as you describe it, and yes I believe it does,
for that is one thing we both agree on
then I may say..
How fortunate those people who have someone quite the opposite of you
How fortunate they are to be given consent easily without having to be hurt

Though I can say cruel things like that, I don't want you to hear it
Cause it will tear you apart as much as it will tear me if the condition is reversed
How would it not?
For when I look at you, I'm seeing myself in different time
Part of you live inside me and I'm very well aware about it

This is my destiny
I've been chosen correctly, it is neither an error nor a misfortune
I'm qualified enough, I have the ability that no one else has
No matter how much I think about this fate
I can't come up with a better explanation

I'm carrying off a duty
A fine and honor duty to change you
I'm trusted to accomplish it, even by my former competitors

One day I'll let you know how I feel
I'll pour it out but in a proper way
I'll make it up to you someday
Cause I want to break this circle

Emigrating

Hello readers..


Soo... I was checking up for recent updates on my facebook home page when I found an article posted by my former Bahasa Indonesia teacher. Honestly, it wasn't the article that caught my attention, but his profile picture. So, I browsed his photo albums. (I guess, it has become one of my habit to stalk photos on facebook) :p. so what..

It turned out that he's been living in Singapore for quite a long time. Shocking, it was, as I never thought he'd leave Indonesia. He doesn't seem like a person who wants to stay abroad....

Anyway...speaking about staying abroad..
Did you know? when I was a high school student, I've always wanted to study abroad. I wanted to study in Europe. German was the most considerable option. Though I searched for fine qualified international medical university, I knew it's gonna be hard as well as impossible for me to get accepted, because I never studied A level or stuffs, I never try to write motivational letter or asked my teacher to write letter of recommendation. It's definitely impossible. So I gave up my dream instead. Maybe if I have a chance later on, I'll try to get myself a scholarship.

randomly selected photo from google.com of a library building in German

I hoped so much that I'd have the opportunity to go to Europe. I've seen many photos of the country. They have every facilities that's completely different than here in Indonesia. It's like you can live in peace there. People obey the rules. Everything is very well-controlled. No air pollution, no garbage everywhere.

As I get older and maturer, I know that I probably was wrong.

It's true, they offer facilities with higher technology. It's true that the people there have better manners and behaviors than Indonesians. But, they don't have something I can't live peacefully without.

They're not Moslem countries. Maybe you'll think "what's the big deal about it?"

of course it's a very BIG DEAL

First of all, it's very uncomfortable being unable to hear Adzan echoing in the city. Secondly, you have to ask whether your food contains pork, alcohol, or something like that every time you eat in a restaurant. It's very troublesome, don't you think? If I were there, I might end up eating instant noodles everyday hahaha.. Another thing is their custom. They're not bound to wear hijab or closed clothing. See? it's easy for you to see their aurat and stain your innocent vision. (ciyeeeee)

That's not the kind of life I want to have. I'd rather live here even though Jakarta gets me on my nerve almost every morning and makes me want to go crazy. I'm destined to be born and live here because Allah knows it suits me best. *heaven's choir backsound* If someday I get really sick of Jakarta and want to emigrate, I'm considering moving out to Brunai. A place with similar atmosphere and culture, only better.

Random photo from google.com of Brunai traffic

Don't get the wrong idea. It's not that I don't love my own country.. It's just that sometimes people have to hijrah to be a better person, don't you agree?

Forgiving Boy

Assalamu'alaykum, readers
First of all, Happy Ramadhan Mubarak!!!


So happy that I eventually get to write again ^___^
I'm in the middle of the longest holiday throughout 6 years of education in this university.

Some things have changed, some other remains. I'll start with the remaining first. The thing is... that FKUI 2012 will NOT study in Depok. Which means... I have to keep struggling and competing for a space in the train to go home (sadly). I even bought CommuterLine Multitrip E-Ticket just in case I have to rely on CL as the main transportation.

Multitrip e-ticket

Apart from its fastness and cheap fare, CL is actually not a very comfortable mode of transportation. You hardly get a space to even just stand. It's fully-loaded with a massive number of commuters from Depok, Bogor and its surrounding. Moreover, the passengers' manner are terrible. If one afternoon you decide to get the train home, you'll see how selfish and ignorant they are.

Now for the changed thing,  as the title implies, I'd like to tell you about my precious little monster, Apacaaa *party* *dancing* 

Apaca is my nephew. He is turning 2 years old this September. He has a very cute face as well as voice. Apaca is a very kind boy. Whenever he receives something from other people, he says thank you. Whenever he encounters someone (or in rare cases, something) on his way, he says "pelmisii". One day, he wanted to ride on his baby walker. He asked me to get him into it. I was playing Line POP on my sister's tab when suddenly he said, "pelmisii sisiir....". I turned around and found a comb in front of the baby walker he's riding on. I picked it up and he continued walking around.

Apaca in his baby walker

Babies are curious little creatures. They tend to try everything, ask anything, and told you to do unusual things for them. One day I assisted him drawing abstract messed-up thread. Suddenly, he thrust a marker to me and said, "gambal balon meletus, tante Sarah". I drew one as best as I could and showed it to him. He looked at it and ask me to draw another thing. This time, he asked me to draw "balon kempes". what thee?!

Apaca reaally loves automotive. He memorizes so many car types, Livina, Jazz, Freed, Serena, Juke, etc. He can even distinguish avanza and xenia correctly! Whenever he comes to our house, he always ask me or my sister to accompany him to the driver's seat. He loves to steer the wheels. So excited with wheels and stuffs that he loves to watch "Wheels on The Bus". But my family thinks he should not be too familiar with music, so we cut it down. 

mobil-mobilan

Apaca is a kind boy. He shares his pleasures with everyone he loves. One day, he wanted to drink teh POCI. I made one for him and helped him to sip it. Then he said, "Tante Sarah minum teh poci juga". uu baiknya <3 p="">
Sometimes, my sister and I being too overwhelmed by his cuteness that we do things which annoy or scare him. Like, we'd love to hold him tight, tickle him, or roll him up with blankets like sushi until he whimper or moan. Don't get the wrong idea, we're not that violent cinderella-stepsister type.

Even though we've done something like that, in the end, Apaca will still play with us. He still smiles and shares us his story. He forgives us for doing such annoying things like I said before. His attitude is still the same. That's what makes us love him soo much.

No matter how hard we try to find his mistakes or weakness, we can never hate Apaca. Love you, anak jempol.

Love What You Do and Do What You Love

Here's the story. Today, I attended Prof Bruce -a researcher, a doctor, as well as a lecturer from Australia- guest lecture about why we do medical research. I bet almost anyone will turn their face away instantly after hearing the word "research". Most of us think that research is boring, like I do. But when he delivered his speech, research in his world seemed to be so fun and easy. 

By the end of the presentation, he told us this :

I hate someone who wakes up hating what he gonna do that day. Like saying 'Ooh I got 45 patients waiting' or 'I have to go to work' and so on. You've got to love what you do and if you have, you gonna do what you love, no complaining. I wake up everyday loving what I'm gonna do. If you are passionate enough, there's gonna be a way for all obstacles.

That was a brief opinion but it has successfully knock me off my feet. He's right. I've been wrong all the time. I always wake up cursing the world, cursing the city for being such a mess, or the lecture for being so boring and difficult. Maybe, that's what makes my life so horrible.

Well done, Prof Bruce. Thank you for your advice!

Temperamen

Haloo readers...

Gw mau cerita, kemaren ada tugas MPKT-A dan gw kebagian untuk ngejelasin masalah temperamen. Tenang aja...Gw gak akan copas LTM gw disini hahaha..

temperamen itu cetak biru seseorang, kayak DNA yang ngatur watak dan karakter kita. temperamen ini adalah sesuatu yang kita dapet sejak lahir, bukan sesuatu yang kita asah atau capai sepanjang hidup. Kalau sifat yang kita latih itu namanya karakter, bukan temperamen. Nah, awalnya gw juga gak percaya ada sesuatu yang gak bisa diubah. tapi bapak David Keirsey ngomong begitu, yasudah lah...


Yaaa jadi menurut bapak Keirsey, tempermen manusia secara garis besar dikelompokin jadi 4, guardian, artisan, rationalist, dan idealist. Ternyata klasifikasi 4 temperamen ini sangat populer dan banyak digunain lohhh...!! Trus, gw iseng-iseng ngisi tesnya (bisa iikuti di sini). Hasilnya, ternyata gw adalah tipe Guardian (ISTJ). Kaget banget sih awalnya... soalnya kirain gw lebih ke rationalist atau idealist..

Kebetulan juga LTM gw kebagian ngebahas tipe guardian. Mau gak mau gw harus baca bagian guardian demi membuat LTM meskipun besok suma 1 bioselgenmol :"((. TERNYATA...... it's very interesting loh..
Setelah gw baca, ternyata memang banyak karakteristik guardian yang mirip dengan gw. Tipe guardian ini dianalogikan kayak berang-berang. Sifatnya yang paling gw inget adalah bagian "senang mengatur dan men-supervisi sesuatu, ngasih tau apa yang menurut gw benar (semacem ngasih nasihat gitu), seneng sama hal-hal dahulu (kalo di bukunya kayak gini like to remember good old days  gw bangett :") )", de el el lah yaaa kalo mau tau baca sendiri aja.. hehehe


Kenalin temperamen kita masing-masing tuh ternyata berguna juga loh (selain itu menghibur juga sih). Selain itu, gw juga dapet bahan cuap-cuap di motivational letter atau wawancara dimana gw harus mendeskripsikan Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, dan Threat (SWOT) gw. Mayann...


That's all..
Wish me success for tomorrow's examination! :)

Fear

"Once in a while this feeling comes up. A feeling of fear. I'm frightened to fail, to be the least, to disappoint, to regret, to hurt or be hurt. There's a question echoing in my mind as the time is ticking. Will I be able to get through to it like I use to do? My biggest fear."

The Power of Scent

Hello readers...!!!
Guess where I am right now!
I'm in Surabaya, the most tempting city to live in -at least for me. Yeah, I came here to visit my dearest sister. It's a kind of pity that I didn't make up my mind to follow her steps, moving here. There are lots of thing going on in Jakarta and I'm tired enough to tell even a glimpse of it now. I'm actually not supposed to be here, considering that I'm actually not in a holiday yet.

This morning, I want to tell something I've always wanted to tell you since 3 months ago. It has something to do with our special sense, odor receptor. No, I'm not gonna give you a lecture here.

So... two days ago, just after I got here, my sister and I went to a hypermarket to buy my needs, like body wash, flexible mattress, some snacks, vegetables, and drinks. I figured out a new habit that I'm doing unconsciously. In choosing what kind of soap I'd like to buy, I always smell its scent one by one. You know, I'm a person who likes to try something new, I like to try different route of going home, I also like to try different body soap. At least, every time the former one has ran out, I barely buy the same one. Thus, every different scent triggers different memories.

Do you know lux - wake me up? this one arouses a very strong memory in my brain. I bought it for my stay in Bandung for pelatnas. I remember it crystal clear, because my roommate, sifa and -if i'm not mistaken- tiwi used this soap too. So, I smell it every dawn and dusk.

If I smell it again now, all the memories of pelatnas flash back in my mind. It feels so real. you know, I think for me, odor is more powerful than sound. Of course, if I listen to certain songs, some memories will flash back too. But it's not as powerful as smell. In a second, you'd feel like as though you're there in the past.



Here's another memorable smell. Lux - magical spell. I remember that I was in the middle of intensive preparation for SNMPTN Tulis. I enrolled in two courses. Every morning until noon I studied in Pasar Minggu, then from noon till evening I studied in Tebet. Every day was a tiring day.

Any scent can powerfully evoke certain memory. Not only body soap, but scent of roses, siwak, perfume can do. It's a new effective method of reminiscing the past (if you're someone who cling to the past like me).

Have a nice holiday!!

Some Things Left Untold

Hello readers.... again, truly sorry for the long absence.
I finally feel a little bit comfort in this new, unfamiliar campus. Slowly, I get to know the pace but still struggling to keep up and blend in. I'm getting used to deadlines, going home late, busy weekends, and so on. I hope you do so with your own life, readers :)

I try so hard to post often, but it seems quite difficult with this tight schedule. wait, Nooo... it's not really that tight, maybe because I'm still a little bit, well, procrastinator, that my schedule seems to be so so. what am i talking about -____-"

I want to share my experience last Saturday.
FKUI 2012 held a gathering event last Saturday at our friend's place, Plataran Cilandak. Some of us went there by car, others by bus provided by the committee. It's a long journey from Salemba to Cilandak, no joke. But what else can we do?
We should have started at 3 but the buses hadn't come on time so we started at 4 instead. There are several performances, such as bands, solo, and traditional dance. Very interesting to know that some of us are actually talented in arts. We played games which are so FUN. For me, yeah it's very fun. It's like I finally saw one big family that I'm going to have 5 years ahead or maybe my whole life through. The place was also amazing. The decoration and atmosphere really supported us to relax and have fun. Somehow, I found it calming.

Over all, that night was superb!! Alhamdulillah... in the middle of a pile of works and lectures I have to do, Allah gave me time to relax a little while.


I wish I could share my happiness with you
You know, I always wish you happy where ever you are
That's all for now, readersss :)

An Old Song from My Childhood

Hey readers....

Last night, I went to pizza hut Matraman to buy some food for my dinner. I was so starving till my stomach hurt so bad. weird..it never happened before. They played old songs and I recognized one which my mom used to listen to when I was a kid. I've been searching for this song for a long time and tonight I finally got some clues. It was so noisy there -very noisy indeed- that I can only heard some of the lyrics. But eventually, I managed to solve the puzzle. It is a song by Randy VanWarmer, called Just When I Needed You Most.

It's a sad song actually, you can see from its lyrics. Apart from that, listening to this old song reminding me of my childhood. I was an elementary student. My mom liked to play this song loudly every time I got home..




You left in the rain without closing the door, I didn't stand in your way
Now I love you more than I loved you before and now
Where I'll find comfort, God knows
Cause you left me just when I needed you most

yap, it's a sad song indeed.. But I'm happy I've finally found it.

The First Month of Being a Freshman

Readers.....

Gw lagi galau banget. Galau tentang kuliah. Kuliah itu tugasnya banyak ya... Sebenernya pas SMA udah banyak sih, tapi entah kenapa kuliah ini ngingetin gw sama pelatnas. haaa traumatic banget. tugas kuliah gw banyak yang dikumpul via internet dan itu sangat menyebalkan.

Pas SMA, gw pengeeeen banget kuliah. bahkan berjuang mati-matian buat masuk. Trus sekarang pas udah masuk dan ngerasain gimana kuliah, malah pengen libur. dasar manusia -____-"

Semoga kuliah gw lancar.. amiin...
Semoga kehidupan kampus menjadi menyenangkan... amiiin
Semoga gw bisa ketemu sama anak-anak yang merasa senasib sama gw dan kita bisa berjuang bareng. amiin

Oh iya, kakak gw yang di Unair udah balik ke sana. Abang gw lagi pindahan minggu ini. Fix di rumah cuma ada gw, kak oi, mama, dan papa. Itu artinya fix gw gak mau ngekos. Oke, ini terkesan manja tapi gw emang gak pernah berniat meninggalkan rumah ini. Sedih adalah ketika lw menyaksikan perubahan yang drastis terhadap suatu hal. Dulu, pas gw masih SD, rumah ini rame banget. Kakak-kakak gw masih pada sekolah. Kita sering jalan-jalan bareng. Trus satu-satu, mereka pergi. Kuliah yang jauh, nambah tua, dan nambah dewasa. Sedangkan gw stuck di sini, nyaksiin lambat laun rumah ini jadi sepi. Gw kangen masa kecil. Masa-masa gak ada beban. hahahahaha sumpah ini manja banget. Mungkin kakak gw bener, gw anak yang paling manja di antara mereka semua.

sekarang, secara hukum gw udah gede. Udah punya tanggung jawab sendiri. Hidup gw ya gw yang jalanin, gw yang nentuin pilihan. Kadang, rasanya gw pengen sekaliiii aja nyante dalam ngelakuin sesuatu. Ngelakuin apa yang gw pengen, sesuka hati gw. Hanya "ingin", tapi gw sadar, itu bakal jadi kesenangan sementara. Gak ada yang pasti di dunia ini. Yang pasti hanya Allah.

Yaudah lah ya.... jalanin aja dulu masa-masa ini sebisa gw. Gw akan mencoba untuk melakukan yang terbaik. hasilnya? gak ada pilihan lain selain nyerahin semuanya ke Allah. Ya, seperti yang pernah gw bilang, "I'm just an actor following her director's orders". Semoga gw bisa memainkan peran gw dengan baik kali ini. Amiiin..

Wish me the best :")

Ragu

Pernah kualami, dulu...
Aku berada di antara dua sisi yang berbeda
Keadaan ketika aku harus bersikap
Haruskah aku menuju sisi yang putih itu?
Atau mengikuti keinginanku menuju sisi lain yang hitam?

Akan tetapi, diamku dalam beku
Terlalu lama aku berpikir
Terlalu lama menetap dalam zona kelabu
Hingga keadaanlah yang memaksaku bersikap
Menentukan akhir kisah itu

Saat dilemma ini datang kembali
kukira aku sudah belajar dari masa laluku
kukira aku sudah cukup dewasa untuk mengambil keputusan
aku tak ingin mengecewakan siapapun 
termasuk engkau dan diriku

Engkau sendiri yang telah merasakan keraguan pada diri ini
bahwasanya aku terkesan maju-mundur, aku pun tahu
aku bukannya melakukan ini tanpa sadar
ragu selalu membayangiku

aku mengerti jika engkau ingin menghapusku
ini kesalahanku, aku bersedia menanggung semua risiko
aku mungkin telah mengecewakan dirimu
atau bahkan diriku sendiri
entahlah...

Jika hal ini terulang kembali
Bolehkah aku meminta tolong?
Cambuk aku dengan nasihat yang keras
Usir aku dari sisi kelabu ini
agar aku tak mengecewakan siapapun lagi
agar aku tak mengecewakanmu lagi

Another Story of Ramadhan

Readers, besok insya Allah udah lebaran nih. Gak kerasa banget yah :""). Jadi, alhamdulillah semua kegiatan di bulan Ramadhan ini kelar juga. Dari mulai Registrasi, latihan padus, OBM, PSAF. Gw dilemma antara mau fokus ke Ramadhan atau ke kegiatan-kegiatan itu. Walhasil, dua-duanya nggak maksimal. Terlalu banyak waktu yang terbuang percuma dalam hal ketaatan. Kalo dalam hal pengalaman dan pengetahuan sih, insya Allah nambah banget. Tapi yaa gitu.. sedih.

Ramadhan kali ini ternyata juga mempunyai kisah, sob. Bukan maksud ngecap Ramadhan dengan memori buruk, tapi kenyataannya pas Ramadhan emang banyak cobaan. Untungnya cobaan itu selalu ditutup dengan keceriaan senyum di hari yang fitri.

Semoga besok semua bisa tersenyum menang lagi.
Semoga di hari mendatang, tak ada kesempatan yang terbuang lagi.
Semoga ketika ruh ini meninggalkan jasadnya, tak ada penyesalan lagi.

Mungkinkah? Apakah gw terlalu idealis?

Ramadhan itu seperti benteng yang memagari diri. Selepas daripadanya, benteng itu perlahan-lahan luntur. Mampukah benteng itu berdiri sampai Ramadhan kembali?
Akan kah gw menyambut Ramadhan tahun depan bersama orang-orang yang gw sayangi?
Atau kah... ia takkan pernah datang lagi?

Gw nggak bisa menyalahkan siapapun atas apa yang terjadi. Apa yang kita jalani itu pilihan kita masing-masing. Pilihan gw jugalah untuk nggak maksimal dalam Ramadhan kali ini. Sebenernya gw bisa memilih untuk fokus ke Ramadhan. Asal gw bersedia bermasalah, dicaci, atau dicap macem-macem sama orang lain. Kekecewaan muncul kepada diri ini bahwa ternyata gw masih memilih untuk bersembunyi dalam zona aman. Itu semua pilihan. Pilihan....