When You Slow Down

It's very easy to be swept away in the endless rush of the world. Often times we're too busy chasing one high to another till we forget why we do those things in the first place.

Sometimes we're too busy chasing the dreams we've always wanted. The dream we believe would make us happier, yet we forget to be happy in the present moment. We're too busy trying to provide for the people we love, thinking it would make them happy, yet we forget what they need the most, our affection. 

Working as a healthcare worker has opened my eyes to the ugly part of life. I see death and grief, I see people part with their loved ones unexpectedly. I saw a woman kissed her husband goodbye, I saw parents hugged their child for the last time, I saw brothers losing their sister. It was devastating. I heard their cries and I felt their grief and I can't help but thinking if I were in their shoes. How am I going to handle the loss of my loved ones? Have I loved them deep enough? Have I given them the affection they deserve?

All meetings end in farewell, no matter how joyful the connection is, everything must come to an end. That idea alone can freak me out and break me down to tears. I love my family so much I can't imagine parting with them. Sometimes I wonder whether it's me leaving them or they leaving me. I hate to imagine the darkness that would hunt me days after they're gone. But I also hate to imagine them suffering and grieving for my passing. And my husband has already gone through so much heartbreaks in this world, I can't bear to let him experience another loss, me.. I love him so much. May Allah protect your heart from heartbreaks, honey. As for my parents and my other family, someday we're gonna part, that's for sure. But I hope I'd leave no regret when that day comes. I love you, I hope you know that.

I only realized this during covid, during my gap years. It's funny how sometimes, slowing down in life makes you able to see things clearly. When you're rushing, everything just passes by in a blur. You won't be able to catch the detail of every tiny wonder that life offers. You won't be appreciative of the little things. But when you slow down, what seems to be insignificant, becomes important. So slowing down doesn't always mean you're not progressing. Normalize taking breaks and giving up something for other important things you find valuable in life.