I don't want to say that it's your super power because you're so far away from being super. But if I have to choose a trait that I like from you the most, I think it's persisting.
You have been put in situations where you started out as the underdog in the room, especially where it still feels foreign to you. People stared at you as you failed miserably, watching you being humiliated publicly. You wonder what they secretly think of you. Do they pity you? Do they enjoy the entertainment that happens before their eyes? You're wondering if the story of your foolish mistakes and failures become a dinner-table story for others to laugh at
But instead of listening to every possible scenarios that run in your head, you took the uncomfortable way to embrace the suck. You walk the path that most people on earth don't do; to sacrifice your ego and willing to look stupid for the sake of growing in the long term
If there's one thing I like about you is that you are not afraid of looking foolish because you know nothing is permanent. You didn't hide from your fear, you didn't hide your embarrassment. Instead of running away to protect your ego, you show up. You are moving with fear
It's not easy to show up after a very terrible failure. You might not always try your best and it might contribute to your temporary failure but you forgive yourself. You believe that you are capable of doing difficult stuff, you're just not there yet. You believe that you are able to grow, it's just that you have other thing on your top priorities that you don't want to sacrifice and that's perfectly okay
Over the time you learn to be kind and not be too obsessed about achievement that makes you lack empathy. I don't say it's a bad thing, I don't mean to offend anyone. But you've set your mind that you're building a new label on yourself, you want people to know you as an easy going person who likes to make other people comfortable, not someone who likes to nag, snap or over-criticize, not someone people "fear" because some people are obsessed with being feared. They mistake it with respect, and you realize it and you avoid it. That's a very good self-awareness and emotional strength. That's also something I like about you, by the way
Over your life journey, you also learn to set your new vision. Maybe being competitive was something your old self enjoy and glorify. But as you walk through life, your journey has shaped you. You've decided that you don't want to lose yourself while chasing academic achievements. And it's perfectly okay to change direction. It's okay to not be the brightest one in the room, but you can always be the most improved
For the things that happened today, what's happened already happened, that's taqdir. I know you're hurt, but you have 1 thing I also like the most, forgiving. Forgive people who hurt you, they carry their own trauma and insecurities. That's their problem. Meanwhile, you are a different breed. You are relentless but still kind and "easy" to befriend with. As for people who hurt you, be graceful and forgive them with grace. Not because you are weak, but because you deserve inner peace and you are emotionally mature. Bounce back now because I know you can outperform former self. Make as many mistakes as you need to grow, you learn a lot from them
You have all the things needed to grow
Alhamdulillah
Focus on the process
It will pass
