Hey, I'm at the end of my first residency rotation and I'm glued to my laptop, freezing, unable to finish my report. The case I'm going to present is a very interesting one, albeit missing some key examinations which makes me doubt whether this is a good case to discuss or not. Along the days after caring for this patient, I grew to know him and his family personally. I followed him even after his admission in my department ended. To the point where his surgery was due and his post op complication arose. Even until his final moments came and he eventually passed away, I was shattered. It was an elective surgery and we expected the best.
But why am I freezing now? Is it because I'm afraid that I'm unable deliver the case well and miss the essence of this case? Or is it because I'm afraid to be labelled as inadequate by my supervisor? Why is it so hard for me to analyze and write? why?! ugh. I feel like I'm going no where and keep down-spiraling uncontrollably. I'm so afraid to let people down even when I'm aware that if I keep doing this, I'm gonna let them down even more.
